My Diabetes Theme-Song

Look, guys! I have found a song that basically talks about my relationship with my pancreas!! 

Starset wrote a song called "Let it die." I'll put the lyrics here, and a link to the song at the bottom of the post. 

I cut you into pieces

Searching for your imperfections

I had plans to make you whole.

But all my threads couldn't stop the bleeding,

You're so far gone but I'm not leaving 

When all I know is you.

I've been looking for a way to bring you back to life

And if I could find a way then I would bring you back tonight. 

I'd make you look,

I'd make you lie, 

I'd take the coldness from your eyes. 

But you told me

"If you love me,

Let it die." 

Your eyes stare right through me

Ignoring my failed attempts to 

Breathe back life into your veins. 

But I can't start 

Your cold heart beating

You're so far gone,

But I'm not leaving 

When all I know is you.

I've been looking for a way to bring you back to life

And if I could find a way then I would bring you back tonight. 

I'd make you look,

I'd make you lie, 

I'd take the coldness from your eyes. 

But you told me

"If you love me,

Let it die."

And you left me

More dead than you'll ever know

When you left me

Alone.

I've been looking for a way to bring you back to life

And if I could find a way then I would bring you back tonight. 

I'd make you look,

I'd make you lie, 

I'd take the coldness from your eyes. 

But you told me

"If you love me,

Let it die."

Starset: Let it Die lyric video on Youtube

Reason for this? When haven't I looked for a way to bring my pancreas back to life? Also, my pancreas was killed because my body destroyed it trying to fight off an immunization. So literally, I cut it into pieces searching for imperfections. Although I had plans to make it whole, I couldn't fix the damage that had been done. 

I'm definitely sure this isn't what the song was written for, but it works for me! :) 

Happy Diabetes Awareness Month!!!! 

Bad Day.

CAN WE JUST NOT TODAY, DIABETES?

I have been battling with 300 since about 11 am! I am so tired of diabetes right now! The honest truth is I feel like I've been hit by a truck, and I'm irritated enough that I'm not very fun to be around. This is mostly because of a site that I waited too long to change. But the longer I waited to change it, the higher my blood sugar went and it stayed there. I got irritated that it wouldn't come down, and that made matters worse. It won't come down if I'm irritated. I had to calm myself down, but it still didn't come down until 12 hours after it spiked. 

It's no fair when it throws me a wildcard... 

I ran today to try to get it down. I had a TON of insulin, both with a shot and with my pump. I took medicine. I did everything I could have, and it would not behave. 

I even drove in town to meet a friend before it went up so high. I had to call my Mom and Tay-dar to come get me! That makes me feel like an inconvenient failure.  

Yes, God is good. All the time. Even when my sugar won't behave. But sometimes I have a hard time dealing with my little monster. Still, I'd rather it be me than you. 

Thank you for letting me rant a little. 

Diabetes is INCONVENIENT.

Non-diabetic: "How did you sleep?" 

Me: "I'm a diabetic!" 

I didn't sleep at all last night because I was fighting with my highs and lows. I kept bouncing between 180 and 50 (I'm still only at 54, and it is 5:55am). I'm not even entirely sure why that happened, since I ate dinner a little later than I should have and everything! 

I had a rough time at work yesterday because my little monster kept demanding attention. I was 285 when I clocked in at 1:30, but by 2:30 I was only 70. It dropped from there and I stayed at about 60 for a while. I set a temporary basal of 1.0 unit per hour, which is .2 lower than my normal basal. When I went to break I had to eat a total of 156 carbs before it would go up. The scary part is I only bolused for 41 of those carbs, and I never went above 150. I had dropped back to 70 by the time I got home. 

What did I eat? 

1. I had an entire Cherry Coke = 70 grams
2. I had a bowl of broccoli cheese rice = 41 grams (which is what I got insulin for)
3. I had to have TWO boxes of apple juice = 30 grams
4. I had a grape juice/soda thing = 15 grams.
5. Total = 70+30+41+15=156 grams before my sugar would even move. I didn't get insulin until it started going up.

So that was all before I got home at 7 pm, and then it started again. I dropped back to 70, so I drank some more Cherry Coke because it was what I had in my hands. Then I had a fruit snack, I think. I honestly can barely remember most of yesterday. 

After I had my snack we had to leave because Mom had to bring Dad's dinner to work. My blood sugar stayed at about 118 until 9:30 pm when we had our own late dinner. I got an omelette to make sure it would stay below 180 until morning. Usually, if I eat something with more carbs than that I spike and it doesn't like to come down. That was not the case last night. 

We went to Walmart for some things before we went home. It started dropping again at about 11 pm, and by midnight I was only 50. I sat down in the benches by the restrooms and waited for Mom to checkout, I had a juice that she bought and a fruit snack. 

I went to bed when I got home, but I couldn't sleep because it felt like I was dropping. Initially, my sugar actually went up a little bit. I was at about 190 and my dexcom alerted me. I got .7 unit of insulin and rolled over to try to go back to sleep, but I never could because I still felt like I was dropping. And now I've been fighting with low blood sugars since 4:30 am, having eaten two fruit snacks and had a cup of apple juice. I've lowered my basal, too, which means I'm getting less insulin than I normally get.

I'm actually really proud of the way that I handled that, though. A lot of times I'll force myself to go back to work or sleep or home or whatever my goal was before I discovered the low. Yesterday and today, I said no and I meant it. I felt bad for making my family wait for me, but I had to make sure I went above 70 before I got up. That's my rule at work when I drop. If it isn't above 70, I can't go back to work because it drops too fast. So even though I felt bad, I followed my safety rule and waited. It went up in about 20 minutes. I can't force myself to go back to sleep when it's low, so I've learned. I don't really want to die, so I have to wait until it goes up before I can be unconscious. Today I just gave up and started my day. 

Lesson learned.

DIABETES IS INCONVENIENT.

Predictably Unpredictable Today

Sometimes diabetes is unpredictable, no matter how hard you try to control it. For me, that was the case last night and today.

My insulin pump kept giving me the "No Delivery" warning when Dad bought us dinner last night. Basically, that means that it isn't doing its only job and delivering insulin to my body. Usually there is a kink in the tubing or a problem with the tubing inside my body when I get that warning.

It took me several tries and playing with the tubing to get insulin for dinner, but when I checked my sugar later I was 364. That tells me that I didn't get enough insulin for dinner regardless of how much the pump thought was delivered. I was able to get my blood sugar down eventually, but it took me all night to get it back in range. I've been sick, too, so it spikes unless I stay on the medicine (which I may or may not have forgotten to take).

I checked my sugar at 9:30 this morning and I was finally 101, almost perfect. I got out of bed and took my synthroid (thyroid medication) like I always do, but it didn't take long before my sugar started rising. I didn't eat until 11, and my sugar was already over 150.

Even though I got insulin for my meal, my blood sugar continued to rise. I checked my sugar after meeting with one of my pastors at church and I was 285 (and rising rapidly, according to the dexcom). That was at 11:45. There is a park behind my church, so I went and played on the swings until my sugar was within driving range so that I could meet my friends at the movies. At this point, I was very close to canceling because I did not feel good at all.

I used my pump to get insulin, but playing on the swings should have initiated a drop in blood sugar. It did, and my pump decided to work (I wonder if I had an air bubble?) so my sugar was within driving range by 12:30. I made it to the movies without any other issues, but when the movie started to get interesting my dexcom let me know that I was low and dropping. I was about to dig through my bag for a fruit snack when my friend and I were told we had to evacuate the building because of a bomb threat. (Which is not abnormal these days for anywhere in Morganton, NC). That drove my blood sugar even lower, since I was slightly freaked out by it.

I never went below 55, but I had to walk someplace close with my friend to get a meal before I could drive home. I was afraid to eat because I didn't know how diabetes would react to that. I remembered my medicine today, though! And I'm thankful that my friend didn't leave until my blood sugar was back in driving range. I was able to drive home after I ate my meal, and my blood sugar is 140 as I'm typing this. I guess the medicine was the key to the blood sugars.

Please say a prayer that I can maintain the good blood sugars, especially while I'm sick. Sometimes even when I don't feel the illness as bad, my little monster still knows it's there. That makes things 1000 times worse than it already is.

Not so fun fact: Diabetes is predictably unpredictable. Always.

Confession...

Okay. So I have a confession to make. And I don't like it.

Confession: I feel like I have just been diagnosed. I'm actually going in and out of stages of denial at this point, too.

Because I was diagnosed at 10 months old, my parents took care of the diabetes. Well, they did most of the care until about two years ago (when I turned 18 and decided I wanted to do it by myself). It's so weird for me to say this, but it feels like I was just diagnosed. I go in and out of stages of denial and depression etc. I didn't realize how much work was involved in this crazy disease until I started doing it all.

I have to log my blood sugars now. That's something that Mom always did. It kind of sucks because it's time consuming. It also kind of sucks because it is necessary. If I can see a pattern with my blood sugars, then I know what to look for and correct. I do have to say, since I got my dexcom and it is working properly that is a lot easier! I used to have to log it all by hand from my meter. If I do it right, I have to include what I've eaten and everything, so it should happen at least once a day.

I have to count my carbs. That is probably my least favorite chore. I know better now what I should and shouldn't be eating, because I'm the primary caregiver. I actually have to eat, even when I'm not hungry, at certain times of the day. There is a food schedule I have to stay on, otherwise the roller coaster begins and it doesn't end for a long time. I have also noticed that my blood sugar stays in better range when I eat more along the lines of a Paleo Diet (no grains or dairy). I have an abnormal reaction to gluten and lactose. My blood sugar will spike and it stays in the 200s-400s for several days. Now that I'm my own primary caregiver, all of that is stuff I am forced to consider every second of every day.

I have to calculate my own insulin, without much help or instruction. That's a really big deal. If I miscalculate and give too much, and don't catch it later, I'll die from a low blood sugar. If I miscalculate and don't give enough, I could end up in DKA or diabetic coma. That will either kill me, or give me additional life-long problems to deal with. I honestly had to get used to calculating insulin on my own. I had to figure out more than just carb ratios that. I had to figure out how much to give if I'm high, or how much to eat and correct for if I'm low. That is a constant battle.

I am responsible for making sure my blood sugar is in range so that I can drive, sleep, work, etc. I have to be between 80 and 180--and steady--before I am comfortable driving anywhere. I don't trust myself behind the wheel if I am outside of that range. This causes problems, Driving to someplace I might be fine, but that can change by the time I have to drive home. I have had to call someone to rescue me on more than one occasion because I could not get my blood sugar back in that range. Working brings in some more difficulties, If it is a busy day, my blood sugar has run low enough that I need a long break and I have to stop my pump. But if it is a slow day, I can't seem to keep my sugar down. Regardless of whether or not I can drive when my shift is over, these highs and lows are very dangerous to my health. Immediate health, and long-term health are at risk with these fluctuations.

There's a list of things I have to do before I can go to sleep at night. If my sugar is low, I have to make sure that it is brought up before I go to sleep. IT doesn't matter how tired I am, I cannot sleep if my sugar stays low. That could be the last bad decision I make. If my sugar is high, I have to make sure it is in range or dropping before I can sleep. If I see that it is dropping and I choose to go to sleep, I have to set a clock for about an hour or two later to make sure it is still dropping or it is in range. If it isn't in range, I set another alarm. It's worse than a child, because there in no benefit to it. It's more like my little monster.

I have to be more careful about my emotions now. Emotions drive my blood sugars wild, so if I am not careful with how I react or respond to things, my health is in danger. If I put myself in a stressful situation for a prolonged period of time, there is no telling what will happen to my blood sugars. If something happens that makes me very sad, diabetes reacts to that. If I make a decision I am not happy with and I feel regret for it, it does not escape diabetes' grasp. If I am too tired, or feeling sick, or even too happy my disease knows and it reacts to my emotions.

I have to inform everyone I'm around that I am not "normal." Especially on a job interview, I have to let my potential employers know that I have some special needs. If they aren't comfortable with that, then I have to look for a different opportunity. I have to get to know my friends very well before I go and do anything without my Tay-Dar. The better they know me, the more they catch the things that I am likely to miss. I have to inform my school and my teachers that I have some special needs, too, and I have to make sure that they accommodate those appropriately. (Basically, that means not getting angry if I have to check my blood sugar in class, get insulin or eat something to correct a low.) Because I do this all without help, I just have to make sure that they will allow me to do so. Sometimes this is a challenge.

Actually, I'll even admit that some days I don't have diabetes. Diabetes has me. Some days I let it get to me and it destroys me from the inside out. Literally. It's not like I haven't been doing this forever. It's just that I'm doing it myself now, so it all comes back on me. The thing with the emotions is a big deal, because I'm the one protecting me. People have no idea how much my little monster effects me, and they get mad when I put my little monster first. But I am the only one who is responsible for whether I live or die because of diabetes.

It's a lot to handle, so I'm thankful for the support I get from my friends and family. Especially the ones that I let close enough to find out how much I am struggling with it.

Things NOT TO SAY to a Type 1!

Reminder: DIABETES IS AN INDIVIDUAL DISEASE.

That means that two people with the disease can be affected totally differently. That one fact is not very well known, and it makes things very difficult sometimes. Especially when people make comments about care, treatment, habits or anything else that a type 1 is doing. They're always trying to help, but they don't usually know how EVERYTHING affects the diabetic. 

I respect people who are trying to help me, but sometimes it makes me feel like they think I don't know how to take care of myself. That is hurtful. So in light of that, I thought I'd write about some of the things I DO NOT like to hear. Unless people know me (personally) well enough to know what affects me... 

1.  What's your blood sugar?
   I hate this one. It makes me wonder what I did, and it makes me feel stupid. Always! I know that for most people that's not the intention, but I literally feel stupid every time someone that is not close to me asks me this question. Probably because I can act pretty stupid when my sugar isn't right, and I know that. So knowing that, I wonder what I did that made them think I am stupid. I don't think anything is worse than when people see me as less of a person (or stupid) because of my disease. 
2. You can't eat that, you're a diabetic.
   I assure you, I am completely aware that I am a diabetic. That does not mean that I cannot eat. I just have to be a little bit more careful than a lot of people. I can eat everything you can, and if you tell me not to, 9 times out of 10 I will eat it anyway just because you told me not to. I know what the consequences of my actions are and how different foods affect me--most people do not. So it drives me crazy when people think that they know enough about diabetes or me to tell me what I can and cannot eat. 
3. Have you eaten?
   Me: No, Mom, I haven't eaten. Sometimes I'm just not hungry. (I am actually talking to my mother, I'm not being disrespectful. Sort of.)
   Mom: Taylor, you are not allowed to go out on any more unchaperoned dates unless you will actually eat. Either I'm having a talk with your date, or I'm going with you so I can feed you when you are stubborn.
   Me: *Forces food when not hungry*
   Seriously, though. I hate when people ask if I have eaten if they are not close to me. I know when I'm supposed to eat, and I'm on a really weird food schedule because of jobs. If I eat off of my schedule, it messes up my diabetes in an terrible way. I don't like having to explain my food schedule to people. Also, if I have eaten that conversation usually leads to "You shouldn't have eaten that, you're a diabetic." 
4. I'd rather have you high than low.
   I've seriously had teachers and extended family members say that to me. What they really mean is, "I would rather have you high so that there is no possibility of you being low." Do you realize how that feels? They say that and then feed me when my sugar is perfectly normal--or try to, I don't do that anymore. But they do it because they're afraid of the immediate consequences of a low. No one considers the long-term consequences of the highs that I will have to deal with after they're no longer responsible for me. Also, having high blood sugars means that I am very ill. I feel so sick when my sugar is consistently high that I can't function properly. It's like they think that being high will not affect me at all, but people who do not know me do not understand. 
5. Oh, yeah. I know about diabetes. My best friend in kindergarten had diabetes.
   Just because someone you have not spoken to in 30 years had the same disease that I do does not mean you know diabetes. It doesn't even mean that you knew your friend's diabetes. It means that you have been around the public part of the disease. There is a lot of stuff that happens "behind the scenes" that you don't even want to think about. 
6. Hey, do you want to go do.... ANYTHING SPONTANEOUS.
   I actually have to plan around things I have to make sure that my sugar is going to behave and I have to make sure that there will be someone there that can take care of me in case it doesn't. Anytime I have something going on, there is a lot of planning involved. Especially if I have to drive. Just because my sugar is good right now, does not mean that it will be good when I have to drive home. 
7. Yeah, you can do that. Just don't tell your parents.
   There are so many reasons this bothers me, but diabetically speaking, my disease will tell on me. Just because I don't tell my parents I had that piece of cake when my blood sugar was already high does not mean that diabetes doesn't know it. It will make me sick for way too long to be worth it. This applies to so many different situations. 
8. Well, I bet diabetes doesn't bother you anymore since you've had it for so long.
   Diabetes will always bother me. It will not matter how long I've been dealing with it, it will always be hard. 
9. Shouldn't you have that under control by now? You've been dealing with it your whole life.
   That one makes me very upset. Not only are you reminding me I am a diabetic, you are also reminding me that I am terrible at it. Or at least you think I'm terrible at it. Fun fact for you: there is no such thing as "under control," it doesn't matter how long you've had diabetes. It will be eternally unpredictable. I'm doing the best I can, and unless you deal with it everyday like I do, you don't get to judge me on how "under control" I am. Not allowed. 
10. Hey, I heard that if you eat (...), your diabetes will be cured!
    Yeah, I saw that on pinterest too. There's a lot of truth to that whole "don't believe everything you see online" thing. There is no cure for my diabetes. It is treated with insulin, but insulin is not a cure.
11. You're fine, you have insulin. You're basically cured.
    No. Insulin is not a cure. Insulin is life support. Until the day when I can eat what I want, when I want, and not worry about it killing me in the middle of the night, I am not cured. Insulin makes the disease manageable, but it does not make me free. 
12. I hate needles. I couldn't live with that.
    Please don't remind me that I have a needle stuck in me 24/7 so that I can survive, and another one stuck in me to make it easier for me to manage the diabetes. Thanks. Also, I guarantee you that if you had diabetes, it wouldn't matter how you feel about needles. You would do what you have to in order to stay alive. It really sucks that there are needles involved, but it's better than sitting in a hospital room waiting to die. 

There are a ton of other things I hate to hear, but those are the ones I can think of right now. Please remember this if you know someone who is a diabetic. Try to think of how what you're saying might affect them, or how it will make them feel. That sounds dumb, but I'm pretty sure most people wouldn't think about how "I hate needles" makes me feel. It's also different depending on the person. In most cases, though, ask us. We don't usually bite and we like to tell people about our disease. Everything that you know about our disease makes life safer for us, so don't be afraid to ask questions.

Shout Out to the People Who Love Me

Sometimes, I can tell who really loves me. I mean, I know that my family loves me unconditionally. But sometimes my friends do things that I find completely mind blowing. That happened not too long ago.

One of my best friends sent me a message on facebook a few months ago and told me something very surprising. She had bought a test kit (meter, lancet, strips and all) and check her and her fiance's blood sugars with it. She did it to show support for me--and probably to see what it felt like. It was painful, because she had the lancing device on the highest setting (not that she knew that).

This was a really big deal for me, because I hadn't asked her to do that. I had wanted to start a "Finger Stick Challenge" like the Ice Bucket Challenge, but I didn't figure people would actually purposely stab themselves. I didn't know anything about what my friend was doing until after she did it and sent me the message. But do you know how that made me feel?

Not alone.

It made me feel more supported than almost anything else should could have done. Do you know why? November 14th is International Type 1 Diabetes Awareness day, and I always ask all of my friends and family to wear blue to raise awareness. The majority of them do not even do something as simple as wearing blue on that very important day. Because of that, it brought tears to my eyes to see how loved I am. It makes me feel like she's helping me fight this disease.

Yeah, I know that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. But a little bit of encouragement can go a long way and that was very encouraging for me.

I'm not going to ask anyone to stab themselves to show support for all of us Type 1 Diabetics out there. I just wanted to share how awesome some people are, and how loved I feel because they aren't afraid to support for me.

Shout out to Alexis Randall and Michael Johnson. You two are amazing and I love you both! Thanks for the encouragement!

Invisible Pain

I haven't written in a while, but there is a good reason for that. There is no simple, easy way to say exactly what has been going on. So I am just going to tell the truth: diabetically speaking.

Alright, so usually diabetes can come with a plethora of other autoimmune or endocrine diseases. I am blessed with hypothyroidism and hoshimoto's disease in addition to T1D (although neither are because of T1D).  Lots of people don't know what those are, so I'll explain them. (I also have potassium and iron deficiencies, but a lot of people know what that entails. If you don't, feel free to search it or send me an email and I will tell you all about the side effects of those!)

The thyroid gland controls hormones. When it is "broken," there are an overabundance of things that are also broken inside your body/mind. It is not as much of a physical disease as it is an emotional disease. Hypo-thyroidism happens when the thyroid gland does not work enough. Google defines it as "abnormally low activity of the thyroid gland, resulting in retardation of growth and mental development in children and adults." Hyper-thyroidism is the opposite, where the thyroid gland works too much. Hoshimoto's thyroiditis is defined as "a disorder in which the immune system turns against the body's own tissues. In people with Hashimoto's, the immune system attacks the thyroid." Each comes with a different set of side effects. In my case, I'll suffer from depression, anxiety, "brain fog," extreme fatigue, lack of sleep (not associated with the extreme fatigue. I will have one without the other), brittle hair and nails, an extreme lack of motivation and many other side effects. The longer the problem persists, the more of an issue it becomes. I was a very poor patient, so I was suffering from the majority of these side effects before I even realized that I had been forgetting to take my pill. It had been more than a month since I had taken a pill, so my disease was destroying me. Of course, because of everything that hoshimoto and hypothyroidism messes with, it was destroying my diabetes as well. My broken thyroid and broken pancreas made me feel incredibly "broken" spiritually, physically, and mentally. That's the fastest way to describe it. 

At the start of all of this, I was working two jobs and going to school full-time. That meant 40 hours a week of non-stop work, and an additional at least 20 hours of school work. That left very little time for me to tend to my disease. As you can imagine, diabetes DOES NOT like to be neglected. My sugar started a small, semi-controllable roller coaster. That wasn't too bad until I neglected my thyroid too. About two weeks into forgetting my medication, literally all of my free time was spent lying on my bed staring at the ceiling. I had no motivation or desire to do anything else. I didn't even want to check facebook or do some other mindless activity. I just wanted to be left alone. Then my school work started slipping until I was two weeks behind in most of my classes, and I had to quit one of my jobs. After I did that, I realized that I was behind on medication. I started taking my pills again, but it's difficult for me to find a good time to take those. They have to be taken on an empty stomach and at least an hour before eating. My problem with that is I like food. I can't take it in the morning, because I have to eat breakfast to start my day properly (and I might wake up with a low blood sugar). But I can't take it at night, because it gives you a burst of energy that makes it impossible to sleep. Actually, at this point it shouldn't matter because I haven't slept more than three hours per night in about two weeks. I set a clock for 3am (ish) or I ask my parents to wake me up if they are still awake then. If I take my pill then, I don't have a problem going back to sleep. That works well.

Because hypothyroidism is even less known than diabetes, I want to be completely honest with how this is making me feel. People don't understand what it does to you. I didn't understand what it could do to me. So, knowing that, I want to share briefly what has been going on inside my head for the past month or so. Depression was a big problem, but that isn't really a great word for it. It's not like I had thoughts of suicide or anything like that. I just felt unnecessary, unwanted and like a waste of space. I felt no drive or ambition for anything. Getting out of bed felt completely impossible most days, and some days I would lay in bed until forced to move. I wasn't sleeping, I was just not wanting to be. Diabetes was all over the place because everything affects diabetes. That made me feel very sick a lot. My balance was completely gone and I had very little ability to judge distances. Not long distances, but like steps. Stairs are scary when you are having a hard time judging how far to lift your foot and your balance is off. I cried a lot. Not for any particular reason... I just couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. It was a slow decent into madness. Everything hurt, too. My legs, my sides, my arms and shoulders and head. By the time I got home from work, I would go straight back to bed because I was out of energy from faking happy. (Something I have learned, DO NOT EVER fake happy--at least not with loved ones.) Mom and my sister would get mad at me, or something, because they felt like they were getting leftovers of my time and my presence. In all honesty, everyone was getting leftovers. Even I was getting leftovers.

Actually, I can describe it all in one word.

Pain. 

Emotionally draining. Cognitively draining. Physically draining.

The physical pain did not bother me. I can deal with physical pain. It was the emotional misunderstanding that was so stressful. I don't like to not be in control of things, and I felt like I was completely out of control. 

I kind of had to learn that I'm never really in control I guess. God is. He uses diabetes and other things to remind me of that occasionally, and it was just time for another lesson. Everything became a lot clearer after I surrendered control to Him and stopped trying so hard. 

I'm getting back to "normal" now, so I have more desire and more ability. I don't have to fake happy anymore, so that's good. Some things I didn't even realize were wrong with me are starting to get better--like the distance I had begun to create between me and humanity. Sometimes you just can't even tell what's wrong either because it's a slow decent, or because there's so much wrong at one time. Whatever. I'm glad it is finally going away. 

I wanted to write about it for several reasons. First, because I wanted my readers to understand why I had been absent. Second, because no one really sees this kind of pain in people. Physical problems are easy for others to see, but it is the invisible pain that is usually underestimated or unseen. Adding to the problem, a lot of people do not know very much about diabetes or many other autoimmune diseases, such as hypothyroidism and hoshimoto's disease. If people don't know much about it, it is impossible for them to understand everything that the disease entails. 

***DISCLAIMER*** 

I don't want to write this for a pity party--PLEASE DO NOT PITY ME. Everyone has their own battles that they are fighting, so respect that. I just wanted to raise awareness as to what all these diseases can affect. 

Working With Diabetes

One of the more painful truths about living with diabetes is that it makes it difficult to find a job. There are several reasons for that. No employer wants to deal with the "special attention" a diabetic gets to have. Employers don't like to keep up with diabetes (especially brittle diabetes) after a diabetic is hired, either. They don't want to deal with an inconvenient low or high blood sugar, or with the possibility of an employee being dangerously low and passing out on the job. That has my experience so far--mind you, I've only worked in retail. I cannot even begin to fathom the difficulty in getting a job as a nurse, officer of any kind, "normal" 9-5 job, etc.

My first job wasn't so difficult, because I had known the manager from Church before I was hired. He also had another diabetic working for him, so he already knew how to handle diabetes in a work setting. That was a painless experience, for the most part. The problem had been trying to find a job in the first place. It took me 6 months to find someone who would hire me, mostly because employers feared my disease. 

After I left my first job, it took me 6 months to find a new job. I didn't know anyone at this second place, but I bothered the management until I got an interview and eventually they hired me. I worked there for only seven months because it totally destroyed my diabetes. They were not diabetes friendly at all, and they treated me like I could choose when my blood sugar bottomed out or went so high I could not function properly. If I had the choice, would I be a diabetic? Nope! My blood sugar used to drop low enough that my dexcom and meter could not read a number, and the management would still tell me I had to wait to take a break. It got to the point that I stopped telling them and just started going to the break room to get a snack (they would not let me keep food or a drink with me at first). One time the assistant manager followed me to the break room fussing at me about whatever was going on. To be honest, I don't even remember what he said because my sugar was that low. Someone figured out what was happening at work and called HR on management, but the problem persisted until it was even more dangerous. Needless to say, I am no longer employed there. 

Six months later, I am very happy where I am now! I enjoy the laid back environment and I love that my coworkers are all trying to learn about the diabetes. If they are nervous about it, they do not appear to be. That makes it easier to control anyway. I had shopped in this store several times before, so I kind of knew the employees. I just didn't know them on a personal level. My blood sugar finally straightened itself out from my second place of employment, and diabetes is not killing me where I am now. I am living a much healthier life compared to where I was before, and I am not stressed out at all. God has blessed me with employers who are not too misunderstanding of what diabetes means. 

I am not incapable! Although sometimes, especially to a potential employer, it does appear that way. I am completely capable of doing whatever I need to do, including working a job. I just have to fight 100 times harder (with some things) than "normal" people do. It's even more difficult when people refuse to give me a chance because they can't see past my disease. 

Just one more thing I want to say for now...

Therapeutic/Medical Animals

Something I have done a lot of research on is the possibility of a diabetic alert dog. Actually, it is possible to have a therapeutic/medical animal of pretty much any kind. I've learned several things about these animals, so I'd like to share what I've learned.

1. Diabetic alert dogs do not necessarily need a certain kind of certification. If they are trained, then they are considered medical equipment. 
2. Diabetic alert dogs are not required to wear any kind of specific vest, collar or anything distinguishing them as medical equipment. However, it is recommended that they wear a vest to store some kind of snack in (just in case). 
3. If you have the dog with you, regardless of what kind of dog it is (i.e., pit bull or corgi), the only two questions that anyone can ask you about the animals is if it is a service animal and what kind of service the animal gives you. Other questions are prohibited by HIPPA, and your privacy is protected. 
4. The only place that can "kick you out" because of your animal is a restaurant. The hair can be a violation of the health codes, so the animal may not be allowed inside (which is fine because most places have outdoor/patio seating). 
5. The animal is NOT a family pet, and it should not be treated like one. While the dog may belong to a family and love everyone in the family, it has to be understood that the dog is working. It should be more concerned about its partner than about being "loved on" by its family. It will feel a mixture of loyalty if it is not trained to belong to its partner. 
6. As I have mentioned above, the dog is working. That means that when the dog and its partner are out and about, it shouldn't necessarily be available to be pet by every passer by. This can distract the animal and its partner, so it makes it harder for the dog to do its job properly. The dog shouldn't be irritable with the community, but it shouldn't be used to the attention either. Try not to let the dog to be distracted. 
7. These animals are very easy to train, but they must be trained with their partner. If the animal is not trained with their partner, then the animal may or may not "work" properly. 
8. These dogs can be very expensive, but despite popular belief, a handler doesn't have to purchase his/her partner from a training company. The handler can train the dog themselves. I have trained two different animals (a pit bull and a cat) to be tuned into my diabetes. It isn't difficult if the dog is loyal and eager to please. Fun fact: cats are very easy to train! 
9. As an extension of #8, therapeutic/medical animals do not have to be dogs. Dogs are more common, but it is possible to have a cat or even a rabbit as a medical animal. (Disclaimer: Probably. I've never experimented with training rabbits, but I have read that it is possible.)
10. It is actually better to get and train an adult dog than it is to get and train a puppy. Puppies require a lot of work themselves, and they are still adored by everyone so they will be distracted. Also, dogs go through adolescence too. The puppy might turn into the teenage nightmare. It is better to get and train an adult dog/animal so that the dog understands its "job" and so that it will have already gone through adolescence. 

So, because of what I have learned from my research on the topic, I have made another goal for my life. Probably not to be accomplished this year, but eventually I would like to help people train their own therapeutic/medical animals. I know it can be expensive, so I want to help people out by offering a cheaper, more accessible service. Most people cannot afford a $29,000 dog which may or may not "work properly." I also want to get my own animal and train it, although convincing my parents may be harder than I want it to be. Mostly because of that whole "not a family pet" thing. But anyway, that is my goal! I want to help people. 

My Little Hero

There are two ways I can look at this. I am going to give you the bad before I give you the good.

Bad: My annoying little sister wakes me up at 4:30 every morning so that I can check my sugar! That is her way of telling me that I cannot take care of myself and she refuses to let me sleep! Ugh!

Good (and how I actually look at this): I am so THANKFUL to have a little sister who is selfless enough to set an alarm for 4:30 every morning to make sure my sugar doesn't drop and I live to see morning. In so many ways, she is my little hero.

To be honest, I've never looked at it the bad way. Maybe once or twice when I had not slept very well, but never to that extent.

A few weeks ago I had a middle-of-the-night diabetes scare, where if I wouldn't have set an alarm randomly (I had no reason to, and I never do), I would not have woken up. My sugar was only 40 at 4am, but I didn't wake up like I usually do. I was in a very deep sleep. The next night at 4am, I was only 30. Every night since then my sweet little sister has come to check on me and make sure that I am okay. She makes me check my sugar and then we both go back to sleep. Until I was 18, my Mom did that for me. If I have been having a rough day with diabetes she will still check me throughout the night to make sure that I am okay.

Too often I read about diabetics who are "dead in bed." This basically means that their sugar drops too low while they are sleeping and they do not wake up. I never want this to be me, but it has come close quite a few times in the past year and it scares me a little more every time. I am so blessed to have a family that is willing to help me take care of my disease to ensure my safety! I am eternally thankful for that blessing. It is because of my family that I am still alive, and probably because of them that I do not have any complications from my disease.

I guess God just isn't done with me yet, so He decided to wake me up and let me stick around for a while. He never ceases to amaze me.

Different Kinds of Sugar

Something that hit me the other day that people might not realize is that there are several different kinds of sugar. I don't necessarily mean ploysaccharides, disaccharides and monosaccharides. I suppose that has something to do with it, but I'm talking more about how different sugars affect diabetes and the body.

Quick-sugars are like most fruit juices, sweet foods and stuff like that. These kinds of sugars get my blood sugar to spike fast, but the sugars also work quickly so it doesn't last for very long. I like to use this as half of my correction for lows because I will go up in less than five minutes. Quick sugars are sometimes hard to correct for, though. This is because the insulin will be working for 45 minutes to an hour and the the sugar will have worked and been gone for at least 40 minutes by the time the insulin is done. This is where the false belief that diabetic's cannot have sugar comes from. It is not that we cannot have sugar, it is that quick sugar can be dangerous or hard to correct for. If we could not have sugar, then we would not be able to eat. Because there is sugar in everything. I do try to avoid having too much of this kind of sugar because it can be very hard to manage diabetes on a quick-sugar diet, but I can have cake, candy, or apple juice if I want to.

Long-lasting sugars are usually breads, pastries, milk and other such things. Pizza is a long-lasting carbohydrate/sugar, and it is more dangerous for me than any quick-sugar is. The yeast hits me repeatedly, so sometimes it is like no amount of insulin will be enough. It can continue to affect me for 8 hours after a meal. Not all long-lasting sugars/carbs are like that. A biscuit in the morning is a good idea especially for a long day with a lot of activity. It will keep my sugar steady so I don't have to worry about dropping. Usually. Milk isn't quite as long lasting as bread, so it's good to keep my sugar up after a low. I usually try to couple quick-acting and long-lasting sugars when treating a hypoglycemic event, because one will bring me up almost instantly and the other will help me maintain the good blood sugar.

Something else that people might not consider is foods that do not typically have an overabundance in carbs/sugars. I can eat bacon all day long and it doesn't have any affect on my blood sugar, because there are no carbs/sugars in it. Same thing applies to other kinds of meats, cheeses, most vegetables and water. On high blood sugar days I try to stick to this kind of diet. Especially if I am having a consistent stream of highs and can't seem to figure out what the problem is. I can't really fast, so this helps me figure out if it is a basal (amount of insulin the pump gives me over a 24 hour period of time), food or under correction issue.

I just wanted to raise awareness about the different kinds of sugars and the different affects they can have on my body. Since it is Diabetes Awareness Month and all. I guess I hadn't really considered that people don't know how it affects me. But now you know!

Hypoglycemia (Low Blood Sugar)

I can kind of change personalities depending on my blood sugar. Hypoglycemia--or low blood sugar--makes me act differently than either high or normal blood sugars. Low blood sugars make me dizzy, weak, tired, irritable and an overabundance of other things. Most recently, I have developed a side effect of depression with consistent low blood sugars.

I used to know when I was dropping. It felt like I was on a boat (and didn't have my sea legs). I would be really clumsy, dizzy and I felt like I was unstable or physically falling. Now I can't really feel my lows, especially if I have had many of them within a short period of time. Instead of feeling seasick, I feel depressed and I end up just laying in the floor. Melancholy and lethargic. I also get very short-tempered and I am mean with my words. I don't usually mean what I say, but I'm not very nice anyway.

I had to start realizing that when I act different it means that something is off (and my Tay-Dar was great for that!). Since I stopped being able to tell completely when I was low I had to come up with a different way to figure it out. This is the best I could do, but it has worked pretty well.

Lows can be hard to treat, depending on the reason. If it is an emotional reason I could eat all day long and it wouldn't solve a thing. If it's just because I over corrected for a meal, that can be relatively simple.

Lows are dangerous, especially in sleep, because going too low could kill me. I'd like to avoid that as much as possible.

What "Causes" Highs Or Lows?

A while back I had written about diabetes not having one single treatment option. It is NOT a linear disease! It is very individual! By that, I mean that I don't only start to go up when I eat something and do not correct properly. I also don't only drop when I haven't eaten or when I have had too much exercise. I want to take some time this month to describe to you how individual my disease is.

I am considered a "brittle diabetic." Basically, that means that everything affects my disease (and it doesn't always affect it in the same ways). For example, if I have a bunch of homework and I don't think I will be able to get it all done my diabetes will go absolutely insane. Sometimes that means high blood sugar until I can finish the homework, sometimes it means dangerously low to the point that I can't even go to class. It's unpredictable.

As mentioned, school affects my blood sugar. So does food, sleep (or lack of), pain (emotional, spiritual and physical), happiness, pretty much every emotion, stress, fatigue, illness and pretty much everything else under the sun. Some of the biggest things that affect my blood sugar are pain, illness and emotions.

Pain has always had a huge affect on my diabetes. I take a little longer to heal than "normal" people (non-diabetics), and even a small paper cut can make my sugar go high for several days. Ibuprofen or other pain reliever can make my sugar go down. I just have to keep taking it until the cut (or burn, or bite, or whatever else) is completely healed. Emotional pain can put me on a seemingly eternal roller coaster until I get over whatever is the problem. Occasionally, this is very dangerous as it can last for several months.

I have a compromised immune system because of this disease, so I get sick very easily. Illness can make me do all kinds of crazy things. It can produce a roller coaster, consistent highs (that is most often the case) or consistent, dangerous lows. Once again these problems are not resolved until the sickness is gone.

Emotions hate me. I am convinced. Because this has the absolute worst affect on my blood sugar and it isn't something I can just take a pill for or get insulin for to fix. I worked at a very emotionally trying store for seven months and it almost killed me. It took me three months after I quit my job there to fix my diabetes problems, as I wasn't quite over the problems that came it with. That point in my life caused me to be very depressed and that made an in-explainable, unpredictable diabetes ride.

It is difficult to explain in detail everything that can affect my blood sugar, because EVERYTHING CAN AFFECT MY BLOOD SUGAR.  Everything can cause a high or a low. Even anticipation of highs or lows can cause my sugar to head in that direction.

Managing diabetes is not easy because of this. But it is doable, and I've had a wonderful support system in my family and church and God has blessed me beyond all belief.

Some (Free) Ways You Can Show Your Support This Month!

So, as a college student I can understand that money is sometimes tight. I wouldn't want you to donate money you don't have, even if it is for a good cause.

Instead, let me share with you some easy, (mostly) free ways you can show support and raise awareness this month!

First, you could follow Project Blue November on facebook or other social media sites and share their awareness posts. This is totally free and it doesn't take very long to do. A lot of people are just misinformed or uninformed about the disease, so sharing some facts could benefit everyone. Use #projectbluenovember if you decide to share these posts. If you would, use #fightlikeataylor (my own hashtag) as well! I would greatly appreciate that!

Second, and a variation of the first, you could join us in doing the blue streak challenge. This is so much fun, especially if you enjoy being a little bit crazy! Either get a blue hair extension to wear for a little while or dye a bit of your hear blue. When people ask you why you have an opportunity to share with them! It might cost a little bit of money, but it is a lot of fun! If you decide to follow the link above and look at the photo album for the blue streak challenge, I am in the album twice! (I thought that was pretty cool!!)

Third, wear blue on Fridays. If you own a lot of blue this is really easy. If you don't, just experiment a little and play with your options. There is a movement going on currently that is claiming Fridays in November as blue Fridays. Project Blue November has t-shirts for sale if you feel like purchasing one. In addition to this, you could wear a blue ribbon on pretty much anything. If you know me personally, ask me for one! I am always giving some out in November!

If you are a diabetic, JDRF is doing something very cool. T1D Looks Like Me is quick and easy to operate. You can upload a picture and it will cover it with a bluish haze and add the slogan (see picture below). It's free and you can share it anywhere you want to.

 
I am giving a few speeches at my school this week to share my story. This definitely spreads awareness. If you are comfortable giving a speech or two, pursue that option as well! I'm here to encourage you!

November 14th is an especially important day to me this month, as it is WORLD DIABETES DAY. If you cannot do anything any other day this month, but still want to show some support, mark this day on your calendar! This would be a great opportunity to spread awareness everywhere! Go crazy! Do whatever you can to show your support on this day! Let me know, so I can join you! 

In case you didn't already know... You can always share my blog posts. If you find something interesting, feel free to show anyone you want to! I definitely wouldn't mind!

The Tay-Dar

As promised, today's post is devoted to my wonderful little sister. I also call her my "Tay-Dar."Autumn has saved my life in more ways that I can count, so I'll try to stick specifically with diabetes-related topics here.

I think her magnificent "Tay-Dar" ability began when she was about six or seven. I remember the day it happened--or most of it anyway. My grandfather was in the hospital so we were all up and getting ready to go visit him. Mom was either in the shower or she had run to the store. I couldn't get to her, wherever she was. I remember telling Dad I felt low and him telling me to get some juice. I went to the kitchen and started drinking orange juice straight out of the container. Autumn yelled at me for that, making sure she told me how disgusting that was. That's the last thing I remember before I passed out from being too low.

A while later I woke up in Mom's lap with pancake syrup all over me and my emergency kit was put together and ready to go. I had dropped so low that my meter wasn't even registering a number. Autumn was really freaked out that day and I believe that is why she developed her Tay-Dar. 

"Tay-Dar" is what I call her unique ability to pick up on every single change in my blood sugar levels. She is usually more accurate than my dexcom, and sometimes she is more accurate than my meter. She knows how I start acting when my sugar is too far off in one direction, but she has also been able to accurately recognize when my sugar is headed into a dangerous number. We've always been very close and we might be able to give partial credit to the Tay-Dar for that.

I can recall some times where she has used her ability to save me before I even noticed something was wrong. One time we were at church for a drama meeting, both in separate buildings on opposite sides of the campus, and she randomly showed up in my room. She demanded that I check my sugar immediately. I was quite low and I didn't even realize it. If she hadn't have come to tell me, I probably wouldn't have checked my sugar. She has woken me up in the middle of the night on several different occasions and demanded that I check my sugar. Always I am either too high or too low, and she has saved me from some of the complications that can cause.

Nowadays, we have even done this thing that we call "tsuino" or "twin brain." Her God-given ability has expanded to where we actually do think the same things quite frequently! (Poor girl...) Now, rather than just recognizing what my diabetes is doing, she can tell random things that I am doing or have done before I even tell her. For example, I volunteered us both for the fall festival at the local public library in October. Before I even got in the car she knew what I had done.

God has an amazing sense of humor. Through Autumn almost losing me, He has bestowed upon me the amazing gift of her. We are so much alike, and yet still our own people. She has saved me in so many more ways than just what was listed here, but especially in terms of diabetes she saves me almost everyday. God gave me Autumn, and Tay-Dar, to keep me safe and sane. I am very blessed with my little sister and her amazing gifts.

Momma

There are two people that I give credit to the fact that I am still alive. My mother and my little sister. Both of them have saved my life more times than I can count, and God gave me both of them to help me fight diabetes. This post will talk a little about my mother, but in tomorrow's post I will talk about my sister.

My mother probably didn't sign up for all of the different things that come with Type 1 Diabetes in infancy. The pre-dawn-phenomena, the infinite amount of needles and blood, the many sleepless nights because of a roller-coaster of blood sugars. I don't blame her. I wouldn't have signed up for it either! But she still took care of me. Even though it wasn't fun, she still loved me enough to persevere and take care of me when I couldn't take care of myself. I don't think I'll ever be able to thank her enough for that.

Growing up she pretty much did everything for me. She logged my blood sugars, she stayed up until midnight to check my sugar so that I could sleep, she changed my pump sites and everything else. The only thing I did until I was about seventeen was check my own blood sugar when I was awake. Because she wanted me to be able to enjoy my childhood (and be like any other kid), she did the rest herself. After I turned seventeen I started logging my own blood sugars and changing my own pump sites to take some of the responsibility from her. I didn't realize just how hard it all was until them, but I'm so amazed at her strength and willingness now. At this point in my journey I'm doing most everything. Sometimes I need help inserting a pump site, but I try to give my mother as much freedom as possible because she let me experience that while growing. 

The photo below I had posted on my facebook page (Fight Like A Taylor) with this caption:

"And He knew that I would need a mother that was okay with all nighters, pre-dawn-phenomenon, mood swings, homeschooling madness and everything else we have gone through because of diabetes. He knew that I would need a very amazing role model, and He knew that He'd better give me to her because she is part of the reason I'm still alive today. He blessed me with a wonderful Momma and I couldn't be happier to be her daughter."

I strongly believe that that is the case. God gave me a mother that He knew was going to be strong enough to take care of me. I'm forever grateful to both Him and her for that gift. Without her, I probably would not be alive today.

Treatment facts

So I was doing some math the other day for a speech I'm giving. I was trying to figure out how much stuff I've used since my diagnosis. This does not include anything that has failed or that I do not use consistently. For example, the insulin pens that I have used over the years I won't count in this because I only use those when I am sick or when my pump is not working. I'll share what I found here.

Test strips are a big one. I check my sugar 10-12 times daily. This is not counting when I am sick and I have to check more often, or when there is a meter error so I have to check again. So that is 12*365*18= 78,840 test strips (in a perfect world) since my diagnosis. Also not counting the strips that have been used since my "anniversary" in August of last year. Each box costs on average $70 and has 50 strips in it, so that is (78,840/50)*70= $110,376 in test strips in the past 18 years.

As far as shots go, I used to use 10-12 daily. I did that for five years. That is 12*365*5=21,900 shots in my first five years of diagnosis. The needles alone are $25/box, and there are about 50 in the box. So (21,900/50)*25=10,950. That is how much money 5 years worth of shots (not including the insulin I use with them) will cost. $10,950. That just pays for my insulin pump ($9000).

Insulin is very expensive as well. Assuming I use two vials of insulin every week and I have been a diabetic for 18 years, that is 2*52*18=1872 vials of insulin. Each vial costs between $75 to $100. So that is 1872*100= $187,200 on insulin, not including vials that did not work or times that I had to use more than average. Also not including the time between August and now.

I haven't had a dexcom for very long, so I can't really include that in my list of supplies I've used. I have used about three months worth of supplies for the dexcom. I know that each month is about $900 worth of medical supplies, and the receiver itself costs somewhere between $1500-$2000. I don't even know what to figure for the transmitter.

My insulin pump is a $9000 machine that I have had since I was 5. Actually, I've had several since I was 5. I've upgraded twice, and the most recent pump has been replaced at least 4 times for various reasons (under warranty, thankfully).

I don't know how to account for other supplies (like lancets, meter and lace, etc.) and their costs. I know I've used them, but I have no idea how many lancets I've used. I don't even have a rough estimate!  

I'm a very expensive kid! But I am also a very blessed one. God has taken care of me beyond my comprehension. He gave me parents that were willing to take care of me--unconditionally--and he gave me the strength to get through this. Yeah, I cost quite a bit. But to the people who matter, I'm worth it. (Apparently.)

My Story

I feel like it is necessary to share my story with T1D this month. It helps my readers understand why it is so important to me to show support and raise awareness.

I was diagnosed with this disease when I was 10 months old. I've had it for 18 years. It has shaped the way I live my life and it has an impact on almost every decision I make.

Obviously I don't remember everything I went through at the beginning. I was way too young to know what was happening, which I consider a blessing in disguise. I feel that way because that means that I never had a significant life-change. I hadn't had time to get used to life without the disease before it took over. That means that I don't really miss my old life, and for that I am grateful.

I don't remember this either, but my parents tell me that when I was little I used to say that "God told me before I was ever on this earth that He would give me diabetes. He also told me that I would have a mommy and a daddy who would take care of me so I didn't have to worry about it. It's going to be okay." Even though I do not remember saying that, I do remember feeling a sense of peace about the disease. That had disappeared for awhile when I got older.

Growing up was not always fun, but I think that's the case for even "normal" people. I didn't get to eat cake at birthday parties or go swimming with other kids because of my disease. I didn't mind though, to be honest. It actually bugged me more that kids thought it was contagious. Diabetes is a part of me. It's not contagious. It's not weird. It is just there. It doesn't define me.

My mother pulled me out of public school and started homeschooling me in second grade. I didn't want to do it to begin with, but that decision has made me a far better person in the long run. It helped me to find myself without the peer pressure and to actually enjoy learning. Through the homeschool I was able to better control the disease and it kept me healthier.

Throughout adolescence, I have managed to control the diabetes fairly well. It scared me, though. That was something I never experienced in my childhood. The more research I did on the complications that could happen and the dangers of the disease, the worse I felt. I started letting it control me, rather than trying to control it. I've discovered that that never helps. The moment that you let this disease control you through fear, it consumes you and you become overwhelmed. At least that is what happened with me.

Thankfully that phase didn't last very long and I regained my confidence with handling this disease. I'm sure that was a gift from God, because I still don't know how I regained my strength. I guess I had to realize that it was never about my strength, but it was about His.

Because of my doubt at that phase, I never actually saw myself making it to where I am now. By that, I mean 19. I never saw myself reaching this age, especially not with my health as good as it is. I was definitely wrong in that. For now, I'm just taking every single day and giving it to God. I want to give what is left of my life to Him and let it be used for His purposes. I realize that everyday is a gift so I am going to treat it like so.

I never minded sharing my diabetes story. Actually, I enjoyed it. I have always loved sharing it with everyone who would listen. I suppose that is why November and T1D awareness is so important to me now, 18 years later. I want to spread the message of hope. I also want to show people a few things. First, it is okay to be scared of your disease, as long as you don't get stuck in that phase. Second, it does not define you, no matter what other people say or think. Third, don't be afraid to share your story. Because you never know who you might inspire!