My Theme Song For 2016

I've decided on my theme song for this year! 

Since my biggest goal is to maintain focus, I've decided that the best way to describe my aspirations for this year (and the rest of my life) go along nicely with "First."

"I want to seek You, I want to seek You
First.
I want to keep You, I want to keep You
First. 

More than anything I want
I want You
First."
-Lauren Daigle (First)

I figured that sums up my desires and goals pretty well! 

I want God to come first, regardless of whatever He sends my way in years to come.

God Bless America

There are a lot of things happening in America right now that I am certain my God is not proud of. There are definitely a lot of things going on that I am not proud of! It saddens me to see the state that my country is in and the blinders that people wear. I wish that I could show them, but they refuse to listen and it turns into a debate rather than a discussion. When I get too frustrated, I turn to my God and my Bible for comfort and guidance in my situation. I find peace in one particular verse, which I would love to share with you all.

 "If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14 (KJV)

There are a few things I would like to point out with this verse. First, 2 Chronicles was written in the Old Testament, but that does not make it obsolete. Just as God is timeless, so is His Word and it applies to every day and age. Second, I believe that "My people" has become Christians, rather than just the Jews, but the verse still applies to God's people. Third, regardless of how sinful or wicked people are, God is eternally merciful if we truly seek forgiveness. It gives me hope for America, because I know that if we will humble ourselves and pray (and truly seek His forgiveness) then He will heal our land.

Knowing this, I have made it a personal goal of mine to pray for America everyday this year. I am humbling myself and asking Him to take control of my country and save it. I am doing what I can to help restore and revive America. At this point, I believe that all I am capable of doing is praying. I would, however, like to take it a step further and challenge my friends, family and readers to pray with me. The bible also says that:

"For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them."Matthew 18:20 (KJV)

I know that without God, it is impossible for my country to be healed. I also know that Jesus said where two or more gather in His name, He is there with us. So I would like to ask for your participation in prayer! I want to challenge American Christians to make time at about noon to pray for this country. Pray for Christian leaders, who will allow God to be the true ruler of our nation. Pray for the blinders to be removed from our friends and family. Pray for the restoration of our former Christian nation. Pray that God will heal, inspire and revive America (to borrow words from Ben Carson). Just pray for America. 

I say noon because I figure that is lunch time, and most people will have a momentary break from school or work. This provides the perfect opportunity for a talk with God. But, if you do not usually have a break at noon, feel free to pray whenever you are given the opportunity. Please do join me and my family in prayer for our nation. 

May God bless America, as He did when we served Him! 

Maintaining Focus

I promised to share with you all my aspirations for this year. So here is one of them!

I want to maintain focus on what is truly important. 

Let me tell you what I mean by that: 

• What is truly most important is God. He comes before all else--family, friends, relationships, church school, job, self, etc. He deserves my affection and attention, and this year I will remember that He is first. That is not to say that the other things are not good things, it is just that God does not want competition in my life, and I will refuse to allow any of those things to be competition. (The people in the examples ought to want me to put God first, and they ought to understand why I do that. If they do not, then they should have a talk with Him about it--not me.) 
• Maintaining focus on God means totally surrendering my life to Him. (I am a saved Christian, but I am beginning to see total surrender in a different way.) For me, total surrender is realizing that He owns my life, so I am doing with it as He pleases rather than as I desire. Literally speaking, wherever He wants me to go and whatever He wants me to do, I will obey. That is what I want to give Him, because that is all I can give Him. He knows what is best for me, so I don't ever want to be somewhere that He is not. 
• In order to totally surrender my life to God, I must listen to what He tells me. That means a lot of time spent with Him, so I can recognize His voice when He calls me. Bible time daily, and a lot of prayer. Both of those ought to be important in the life of a Christian, because that is how He speaks to us and also how we speak to Him. I don't want to do this out of duty, but rather out of devotion. My faith is more about a relationship with God than about anything else. In order to have that relationship, I have to spend time with Him. It's that simple. (Something I would like to add: knowing the Bible is quite different than knowing it's Author. I don't want to just know the Bible--I want to have a close relationship with it's Author.)
• Knowing God and knowing what He wants me to do is one thing. But being a Christian and putting Him first means that I actually have to do what He is calling me to do! That isn't always easy, but I trust that He can handle everything we go through. I will follow His lead without question or debate, (to borrow some words from a friend of mine) because I have read Jonah and I don't want to be swallowed by a big fish. I know He has pretty big plans for me, so I intend to allow Him to work in my life. 

It is important to maintain focus, and I had recently forgotten how important that was. It was a painful reminder. This year, I am living in total surrender and I am going to focus on Him. That doesn't mean that I can't have fun or that I can't enjoy life, but I will remember Who I have to thank for that. I intend to follow wherever He leads me, happily and without question. 

Forgiveness

One of the things that I have learned how to do this year is to forgive. I always knew how to forgive and forget I suppose, but I had to learn how to forgive with boundaries so I don't get hurt anymore. Through a lot of pain the experiences of this year have taught me to forgive while at the same time protecting myself. That is a concept I hadn't really considered before.

You don't have to completely block the person out of your life to put up boundaries. Especially not if that person is family, or unavoidable for another reason. But don't allow yourself to be alone with said person--always have a trusted friend or family member close by. Also, don't ever feel obligated to spend time with someone or do something for them. That can be a form of control, and people are rarely obligated to do those things. If it feels like an obligation then you probably shouldn't do it anyway.

Don't ever be afraid to say no. If someone has hurt you repeatedly and wants back into your life, saying no is not the same as being unforgiving. Make them prove that they can be trusted before you give them that. If they can't, then they have things to work on that you are not responsible for. In addition to being unafraid to say no, do not let people guilt trip you. If they are guilt-tripping you into doing things for them or spending time with them, then they are controlling you and that is unhealthy for you. You can forgive that person without allowing them to come back into your life and control you.

Forgiveness is important. It brings freedom and peace. But realizing that forgiveness can come with boundaries is important too, because it can save you from future pain. As a Christian, I know I am supposed to forgive if a person asks for forgiveness. However, I don't believe God would ever want me to be pushed around or hurt. So forgiveness with boundaries is sometimes necessary. 

Listening

One thing I have definitely improved upon this past year is listening when God is telling me to do something. Whether or not I think it is a good idea for me. This probably came from a very short period of time where I wanted to do things my way, but it didn't work out for me.  It never will if I am following my desires.

Although I don't want to share that time of my life, I wanted to share with you all my realization. It is probably something you've heard before. He always gives you what is best for you, and He can see every other option. Don't be afraid to listen and follow His will for you. Like Moses, even if you are afraid to speak He will give you words.

Since about August I've been listening in a different way than before. I've always tried to listen, but sometimes I didn't consider what He might be telling me about things that are extremely personal. Because of that, I had to experience some things that could have easily been avoided. I started listening about everything, and putting Him above anything I might have considered personal. It really does happen that when you put God first, everything else falls into place! Some things that I thought were unable to mend, He fixed. But that came from me giving Him all of me and letting Him work in my life. Without the listening, the blessings do not happen. If we don't follow what He wants, how can we expect the best for us to happen?

I realize this is a very short post, but it is intended as more of a note than a story. Thank you for reading.

My Story

I feel like it is necessary to share my story with T1D this month. It helps my readers understand why it is so important to me to show support and raise awareness.

I was diagnosed with this disease when I was 10 months old. I've had it for 18 years. It has shaped the way I live my life and it has an impact on almost every decision I make.

Obviously I don't remember everything I went through at the beginning. I was way too young to know what was happening, which I consider a blessing in disguise. I feel that way because that means that I never had a significant life-change. I hadn't had time to get used to life without the disease before it took over. That means that I don't really miss my old life, and for that I am grateful.

I don't remember this either, but my parents tell me that when I was little I used to say that "God told me before I was ever on this earth that He would give me diabetes. He also told me that I would have a mommy and a daddy who would take care of me so I didn't have to worry about it. It's going to be okay." Even though I do not remember saying that, I do remember feeling a sense of peace about the disease. That had disappeared for awhile when I got older.

Growing up was not always fun, but I think that's the case for even "normal" people. I didn't get to eat cake at birthday parties or go swimming with other kids because of my disease. I didn't mind though, to be honest. It actually bugged me more that kids thought it was contagious. Diabetes is a part of me. It's not contagious. It's not weird. It is just there. It doesn't define me.

My mother pulled me out of public school and started homeschooling me in second grade. I didn't want to do it to begin with, but that decision has made me a far better person in the long run. It helped me to find myself without the peer pressure and to actually enjoy learning. Through the homeschool I was able to better control the disease and it kept me healthier.

Throughout adolescence, I have managed to control the diabetes fairly well. It scared me, though. That was something I never experienced in my childhood. The more research I did on the complications that could happen and the dangers of the disease, the worse I felt. I started letting it control me, rather than trying to control it. I've discovered that that never helps. The moment that you let this disease control you through fear, it consumes you and you become overwhelmed. At least that is what happened with me.

Thankfully that phase didn't last very long and I regained my confidence with handling this disease. I'm sure that was a gift from God, because I still don't know how I regained my strength. I guess I had to realize that it was never about my strength, but it was about His.

Because of my doubt at that phase, I never actually saw myself making it to where I am now. By that, I mean 19. I never saw myself reaching this age, especially not with my health as good as it is. I was definitely wrong in that. For now, I'm just taking every single day and giving it to God. I want to give what is left of my life to Him and let it be used for His purposes. I realize that everyday is a gift so I am going to treat it like so.

I never minded sharing my diabetes story. Actually, I enjoyed it. I have always loved sharing it with everyone who would listen. I suppose that is why November and T1D awareness is so important to me now, 18 years later. I want to spread the message of hope. I also want to show people a few things. First, it is okay to be scared of your disease, as long as you don't get stuck in that phase. Second, it does not define you, no matter what other people say or think. Third, don't be afraid to share your story. Because you never know who you might inspire!

Just a Thought

Anne Rice is amazing, you know that?

A lot of people find her amazing for different reasons than I do. Most people associate her with the books she has written about Vampires and other mythical creatures. She is quite a gifted writer and a lot of people have noticed that. But what they do not give her credit for is her life after she reconnected with God.

On her website we find her autobiography and its description, which I find quite interesting. You can find that here: Anne Rice: Called Out of Darkness. The description of her autobiography says that she surprised her readers with her novel Christ The Lord:Out Of Egypt (2005). This mega-bestselling author had formerly been an atheist, so as you can imagine her previous books were not Christian in any way. When Anne reconnected with God, her writing changed. I believe she did this to make a point. She chose to give up her fame and fortune to live her life the way God wanted her to.

One of my favorite reviews of this came from Chicago Sun-Times, "This is the very affecting story of a well-known prodigal's return...Called Out of Darkness is the vivid, engaging tale of the journey of a soul into light." I love the way this is put! That implies that Anne's soul had been in darkness, but it has managed to journey into the light. The light would, of course, be Jesus.

Anne had a lot to give up. She made quite the living off of her vampire books and she had quite the following! But in announcing to the world that she had chosen to follow God--and, might I add, go back on all of her atheistic statements--she accepted the possibility of giving up everything she had worked for.

I find that quite inspiring. I don't have a following to give up, but I assure you that I would have done the same thing. By allowing herself to follow Jesus rather than the world, she is definitely expressing her individuality! Well, if denying your previous self and your following isn't expressing individuality, I'm not really sure what is.

**Disclaimer**

I am not a Catholic and there are a lot of Catholic teachings that I disagree with. I go to a Southern Baptist Church and I read a King James Version Bible. I'm not saying that everything a Catholic does or believes is wrong, but I am saying that I do not share the same religion as Anne Rice. I do, however, respect her for publicizing her religion rather than hiding it. That must have taken a lot for her, given the reasons mentioned above.

Don't Sell Out

Last time I posted, I discussed the importance of embracing your weirdom. Today, I want to talk about one of the biggest things that makes me stand out. My faith.

I haven't always fit in very well because I refuse to sell out. I knew that in order to be popular I would have to go with the flow, but I wanted to make a difference. It is impossible to make a difference if you are afraid to stand out.

I'm having a problem with that lately in my college environment, because they want to force me to think a certain way. Most of the classes I am taking this semester have topics that force me to think in a worldly way. In fact, they will fail me for thinking any other way. As an example, I might be forced to accept and support trans-gender or homosexual people. That is against my faith, so I will take the penalty for disagreeing with them.

It isn't necessarily fair, but I've learned that you have to stand up for what you believe in. It might feel a little funny and it will definitely feel lonely, but we are not put on this Earth to "fit in." We are here to be Jesus with skin. If we give our life to Christ, then He will lead us to be in those kinds of situations so that we can make a difference. That's His design. So don't be afraid to have an opinion and never be afraid to defend it! I found a quote on pinterest that sums it up pretty well.

Seriously. Give me one good reason. Because if you have one, I want to hear it!

If my reason for living is to make a difference, I will never be able to do that by being "like them." That is impossible.

Same goes for you. Why on Earth should you give up on what you love because you are being told to think a certain way?

Specifically for that purpose, I encourage you to consider Joshua 1:9. "Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest." This is a reminder that God is with you always, no matter the situation. When people are trying to force you to think a certain way (i.e., you must accept and support these certain kinds of sins in order to get good grades, be popular, etc.) God is there too. And He wants you to stand up for Him. He put you there for that purpose.

Embrace Your Weirdom

Because it is the beginning of October and the weirdness is beginning to come out (and in some cases, amplify) in most people, I want to take this opportunity to share my weirdness with you. Actually, I want to take it a step further and "embrace my weirdom," while at the same time challenging you to embrace your weirdom. I'm not gonna judge you, and those who truly love you will not judge you either.

I don't really know what normal is in terms of people. Everyone has their own definition of that word, but no one's definition is completely correct for everyone. I think that "normal" ought to be defined by each individual person, because otherwise it really cannot be applied to people. For example, what is normal for me might not be normal at all for any of my readers. Normality in my life consists of worshiping God, finger stabs, insulin injections, a love of reading, writing, and all other kinds of schoolwork, enjoyment in cleaning, anime, gaming, and many other things. I am not "normal," but that doesn't bother me. I like who I am, and I don't intend to be anything different. Let me explain my weirdom to you. I want to discuss the ways I am weird and attempt to explain to you why.

My Christian faith in the modern world would make me very weird. Especially the fact that I have completely given my life to Christ and I now let Him govern it. Even some of those who claim to be Christians do not live in such a way and they cannot understand why I do. It used to infuriate me, but I don't let it bother me anymore. I don't cuss, I don't drink, I don't party, I don't listen to music with an inappropriate message, I don't really date without a Godly purpose either. I don't do anything with my life that I don't feel like Jesus would approve of. I don't care who approves of it on this earth; if Jesus does not approve, then I refuse to do it. For example, I took an Ethics class in college semester (it was a required class). It was an online class in which we spent the entire 16 weeks arguing back and forth about who had "right" morals. We discussed things like premarital sex, abortion, murder, animal cruelty and other sensitive topics. The fun part was that the teacher was grading us based on her opinion of our personal morals. I actually got a failing grade on one of her questions because I refused to say that morals created God, when I knew that God has created everything. To me, that is normal. That is completely giving my life to Christ and allowing Him to use it for His will, not my own. I like being this kind of weird. It literally gives my life purpose to live for Christ. It inspires me to see people around me living in such a way as well. In fact, I appreciate those people more than they know. I could go on, but I believe this could be an entire post, or perhaps even an entire blog on its own.

One of the big parts about being a diabetic is the finger stabs and insulin injections. I hate it when people tell me things like "I could never live like that!" or "How do you do it?" I do it because without it I would die. I do it because I've done it my entire life. I do it because it is normal for me. (I assure you, if you had to prick your finger 12 times a day and get a shot of insulin every time you ate to survive, you would do it too.) For the past 18 years of my life (since I was 10 months old) I have stabbed my finger at least 5 times a day. Until I was five (when I got an insulin pump for the first time) I checked my sugar ever 2 hours (twelve times a day). I also had to eat and get a shot of insulin every 2 hours. This was not fun, but it was normal for me. I now have an insulin pump and a dexcom (checks my sugar every 5 minutes and tells me a pattern of highs and lows), but I still check at least 5 times a day the traditional way. The insulin pump gets me off of shots, so I just have tubing hanging from me 24/7. There is tubing running from my body to the pump so it gives me a consistent flow of insulin, like an IV. This may seem weird to you, but I am actually grateful to have it. This kind of weird keeps me alive. It has helped to make me into who I am. I have learned over the years to embrace the disease. Actually, November 14th is International Type 1 Diabetes day and for the past 3 years I have had blue hair on that day. Blue is our color, so making my hair blue shows support and raises awareness. That is the kind of weird that I like. Crazy with a purpose. That is the kind of weird I want to embrace.

Another thing I mentioned above was a love of reading, writing, and all other kinds of schoolwork. Yeah, I think I'm the definition of nerd. I enjoy learning, so I seek opportunities to learn. I was home-schooled all the way through high school, so the world was my classroom. I have learned new things everywhere and now I know how to look for things I didn't previously know. I used to create algebra problems to help me sleep at night (even I admit that was too weird now...). I write every day about everything. I can take random things and find a way to fit them into a story. For example, I wrote a zombie story about one of my former workplaces. I like learning not just book things, but I like learning about people too. More often than not I am the listener in a conversation, because I learn more with silence than I do with speech. The lessons I learn from others can be more valuable than any amount of book lessons on this planet. That type of thinking is normal for me. If that is weird, then so be it.

I also mentioned that I like to clean. I'm not kidding. I've always liked to clean. It soothes me. I clean especially when I am incredibly stressed out, because it gives me a sense of peace. I learned why not that long ago while talking to a friend. Before I told him why, I didn't really know why myself. But I learned that cleaning up my physical clutter somehow helps me clean up my emotional and spiritual clutter. That is why it is normal for me to clean, because I'm not only cleaning up what people can see. Its hard to explain, but a good way to put it is that it is like cleaning my soul. I get somewhat unhappy when my house is messy and it begins to make me feel like a failure for some reason. It can also go the opposite way, though. When I feel too upset, I won't clean. Then it gets messy and makes it worse. The "pain" doesn't go away until I've cleaned up the physical, spiritual and emotional clutter. I guess that cleaning is just an outlet for me, kind of like crying is for most people. That is normal for me, no matter how weird it sounds.

I am going to clump anime and gaming together for the purposes of this post. Before I continue, let me just say anime is not a cartoon. Both anime and games are a very neat form of art that often go unnoticed. Anime is many different forms of art, ranging from screenplay to the drawing of the characters. Everything that goes into just one episode is cared about deeply by the directors, so each one is a masterpiece that the directors are quite proud of. Games are most likely the same way, but I'm not positive of that. The graphics in some games are quite realistic, so one can imagine that the artist might have cared more for his project. (Side note: when I say games, I mean games like TERA or Slender, not bubbletown. I play those too, but for mindless amusement most of the time.) My favorite animes are Sword Art Online (and all of its other "seasons"), Blue Exorcist and Black Butler. I also like My Little Monster and Vampire Knight. I enjoy them for the storyline, because it inspires me as a writer. For example, SAO (Sword Art Online) had the most beautiful ending I have ever seen in any form of television series, movie, or other show. That gets my creativity working. That is part why I like anime so much. My absolute favorite game is TERA, but sometimes I play Five Nights At Freddy's when I decide I want to throw my computer across the room in terror (I am a very easy person to scare. I even jumped when an alien attacked me in Half-Life one time!). I love Zelda, but it is more of a workout for me than a relaxing experience. Especially when I die in the game. I play it on the Wii, and I refuse to play sitting down because I get very animated with the game. My little sister thinks it is hilarious. She also likes it when I play Five Nights At Freddy's for the reason I have mentioned. Autumn (my sister) is the one who got me into all of that to begin with. She is way more into anime than I am and she wanted to share that experience with me, so she got me into it a few years ago. That is why I like anime and games so much. We often use that for our "sister date," which is my absolute favorite day of the week! She is my best friend and I enjoy all the time I get to spend with her. I play games like TERA with her as a form of escape so I can get away from my crazy life for a little while. We watch anime for the same reason. It is more about the closeness with her than it is about the game or the show for me, although I enjoy that as well.

Some other fun facts about me that may or may not be weird is that I like to be outside. I love hiking, walking in nature, or basically anything I can do to "get lost." That doesn't usually go with the love of anime and/or games, but that's how I work. I also hate cooking, want 10 kids, only ever wear heels or converse (sometimes cowboy boots, but rarely anymore) and love to travel and drive my Jeep. I don't know how I'm going to feed my 10 kids without cooking, so I'll have to work on that.

Well, there are some fun facts about me. That is all the stuff that makes me "weird."

But what I wanted to say when I challenged you to "embrace your weirdom" was this: we are created as individuals, not one singular being. The things about you that might be considered weird are things that are included in your individuality. Embrace that! Tell the world about it! You are not "weird." You are unique. Individual. You. God created you for a reason and I'm certain the reason was not to follow the multitudes. Embrace who He created, because He definitely doesn't make mistakes!

So, please. Go forth and be weird. Embrace your individuality. And if you want to, leave me a comment telling me what makes you "weird" and why. I would love to hear from you!

Inspiration

 I always kind of assumed that because I am a diabetic I won't be able to do as much as other people will. I know I can't do any kind of military service or anything like that, but at one point I had wanted to become a law enforcement officer. I was really young then--I think I was about four--and I pretty much convinced myself that diabetes would prevent me from doing anything like that with my life.

I wasn't afraid of the work. I was afraid of this sometimes uncontrollable disease and the affects that a career in that field would have on it. I never wanted to admit that, but the fear was there nonetheless. I figured being an officer would be dangerous for me because of the training required. I watched my Dad go through the Basic Law Enforcement Training program and I saw how hard it was. I just assumed that I would never be able to make it through, so I looked for a new plan.

After that, I considered going into nursing. I was quickly reminded that I have a compromised immune system, and being around sick people all the time wouldn't exactly be a good idea. If I get sick super easily, then I might always be sick. If I am always sick, how can I expect to hold a job?

Once I came to that conclusion, I decided that I would just be a Mom and a writer for the rest of my life. I had always planned on being a Mom, too. It just wasn't really a focus before that. After doing a little bit of research, I discovered that it was dangerous for female diabetic to have children. What do you think I did after that? I decided that the only way I could be a Mom was if I adopted my children. There was no way I was going to put myself in danger.

There are a few things I want to share after pointing all that out. First, I would like to say that I have reminded myself that God is in control, and His plan for me is perfect. It doesn't matter what I want for me, I have and will continue to submit to His will. It is better that way. Then, I would like to introduce you to one of my human inspirations.

When I started College I actually took an intro to Criminal Justice class, figuring that I could do what I wanted to do with my life anyway. Here is the ironic part: I really didn't like the course! After debating for so long whether or not I could go into the field, I discovered that I didn't really want to. I found Criminal Justice studies somewhat boring, and I knew for sure after that class that was not what God had planned for my life! I still have a lot of respect for law enforcement officers, of course. I will always support them. I just wasn't meant to be one.

Now I will introduce you to Kyle Cochran, one of my biggest inspirations. About a year ago, my little sister discovered the television show American Ninja Warrior. If you haven't heard of it, it consists of an incredibly difficult obstacle course that people from all around the country try to conquer. (I'll include a video of one of Kyle's runs.) I started watching the show with my sister, and we got to see Kyle Cochran attempt the course. Before they would show his attempt, they  did an introduction. We discovered that he had Type 1 Diabetes! Naturally, I payed more attention at that point.

When I watched to see what this young man could accomplish, despite his limitations, it definitely inspired me! He taught me not to treat Diabetes like it is a crutch. The hosts as well as his family make a point to say how much of an inspiration he is, but I feel that I had to share my reasons.

I know from experience that diabetes can be challenging. It made playing sports difficult. It made working in a fast-paced environment next to impossible. I cannot fathom the control that Kyle must have to be able to be an American Ninja Warrior! It makes me want to fight a little harder for the things I want to achieve. I think that "Divabetic" says it best this way:

I have made the decision not to let my disability affect my capabilities. Instead of giving up, I will Fight Like A Taylor.

What Matters More?

God has a funny way of bringing me back to Him. Every time I'm struggling to keep up with my life, He reminds me that putting Him first makes everything else fall into place. 

There is only so much time in a day. We are given 24 hours to do whatever we want. However, when we keep adding things to our plate, we quickly fill up those hours. At that point, we must decide what we like best and keep making time for those things.

Keyword here: making time. 

I play many different roles in my life. College student, Christian, sister, daughter, tutor, employee, friend etc. I want to do my best at preforming those roles. It takes time to do those things!

Let me put it this way. If I have twenty-four hours in one day, let's take out the time required for the things that I need to do. I'll start with absolute necessities. So, eight hours comes out for sleeping time (although I could sleep for probably ten hours if I had a day off). Now I have sixteen hours left. I have to take at least three of that for eating time, so now I have thirteen hours. I spend on average four hours daily doing some kind of school work, so we can subtract that from my time. That leaves me with nine hours. I easily spend two of that doing something with my dog--playing outside, giving her a bath, going for a car ride, whatever. (Once again, this is on average.) So I can take that out of my time, giving me seven hours. I can spend up to three of those hours on my computer doing something, unfortunately. Usually I am doing homework of some kind, but I like to play TERA and listen to music. I can eliminate three hours from my day, giving me four hours left. I am supposed to help my sister with her math, but lately I haven't made enough time for that. I can eliminate one hour for that chore, leaving me with three hours left in my day. Notice that I have yet to include any time for God? Unfortunately, by the time the rest of that is finished, I don't want to do anything but relax for those few hours. I end up talking to friends or doing extra-curricular activities. The One who deserves all of my attention has just been put to the bottom of my "to-do list."

The problem is, God shouldn't be included in a to-do list at all. We ought to focus our attention on Him because we want to, not because it is just another thing on our list.

I have an entry in my journal from about a month ago. It deals with this topic directly. In it, I made a list of what the world had to offer me. Well, what the world had to offer me when I didn't put God first. It goes as follows:

• I have lost my sense of self. 
• Depression. 
• Loss of desire for God. 
• Poor decision making. 
• Other such things. 

 I wrote this Bible verse along with it:

"But I myself said: I have labored in vain,
I have spent my strength for nothing and futility;
yet my vindication is with the Lord,
and my reward is with my God." (Isaiah 49:4 HCSB)

That last line there really hits home. "My reward is with my God." That reminds me that if I put Him first, then everything else will fall into place. Let me put it another way...

What matters more? God, or _______________?

 It doesn't matter what you fill the blank with, the answer is the same. "My Reward is with my God," and I trust him to take care of me. In all 24 hours of the day. But I need to prove that by putting Him first, and actually making time in my day to give to Him. He deserves all of my attention, not just what I have left to give. I have to remember that He gave me everything. So all of those things I spend my time with/on/doing are gifts from Him. I was reminded by that verse at that point in time to "stop putting the gift above the giver." 

Since then, I have been putting God first in my life. And, as expected, everything else is falling into place.