Embrace the Fandom!

Okay... so here's my weirdom showing again. But this is a goal of mine for this year:

Attend as many anime conventions as possible, and COSPLAY at all of them.

I know I can thank Yama-Con 2015 for that. But I have to admit that I love the odd-beauty that comes from acting completely ridiculous with my fandoms. 

No judgement.

New experiences.

Adventures. 

New friends.

Good times.  

I mean, everywhere else in the world I have to act the way that society dictates. Like... no blue hair if you want a job that actually means something. (I understand that, but I happen to love my blue hair!) But when I'm at the convention with my sister, I feel pretty free to be organized-crazy like I want to be. 

Probably most of that comes down to being with my sister. She makes me feel completely free to be who I am, because I know that she loves me regardless of my weirdoms. (Actually, she's weirder than I am. If I can say that. In fact, she is the cause for my anime weirdoms. Which she is pretty proud of.) Autumn is literally my best friend and my better half, and I'm so glad that God blessed me with her. I'd either be dead or insane right now if I didn't have her to balance me out. She takes very good care of me and I try to take care of her. 

I cannot wait to see what the rest of the year has in store for her and I, and our weirdoms! 

December: Theme Change

If you have looked at my schedule for this blog, you know that my themes will change by month. This month has a theme of reflection as it is the last month of the year. I will be sharing how I have grown this year in many different ways. For starters, because of an early December opportunity I have been blessed with, I will be writing about journalism and Yama-Con 2015.

I decided at the beginning of this school year that I wanted to be a journalist. I switched my major and began my last semester in college. Since then, my favorite English teacher has mentored me through a few different opportunities. Partially because of her mentoring, I was blessed (along with my sister) to write as press for the biggest three-day anime and gaming convention in Eastern Tennessee! I am currently resting from day one of Yama (mountain)-Con 2015!

Yama-con is a family friendly convention, and it feels just like the small-town conventions in Morganton, NC! It is in the very beautiful Le Conte Center, which feels like a castle compared to Morganton-Con. I didn't think I would be able to go and enjoy such a wonderful event, but I am so very blessed!

Today we scoped out the Le Conte Center and planned our weekend (and we enjoyed some Disney Karaoke, "Iron Cosplay" and other events I will try to explain later). I get to go to "Doctor Who's Line Is It Anyway?" tomorrow! (For those of you who understand, Doctor Who is my fandom. I am so beyond excited!) We also got to see a bunch of very elaborate, very creative cosplays! People are quite talented and it is awesome to get to see how they use their talents at these conventions.

For now, I just want to explain the dealer room and the gaming (both video and board game) rooms. Both are about double the size of an average basket-ball court. Both are filled with awesome adventure opportunities! (Keep an eye out for pictures! I'll be posting those on Sunday night/ Monday morning! I forgot to bring my camera cord!) Autumn kept asking me to play "Just Dance" with her in the gaming room, but there were too many people so I didn't want to embarrass us both. That room was crazy full of about 60 computers and even more people!

**GEEK STORY ALERT**

I started watching anime and playing video games with my little sister a few years ago, just as a "sister date." I wanted to spend some more time with her but I didn't expect to be introduce to a new family ("fandom"). I enjoyed the story-lines and the artwork. It wasn't a cartoon, so I discovered. Personally, I grew quite attached to some of the characters on these shows. Kind of like I grow attached to a character in a book I am writing. Getting to go to these conventions is an opportunity to watch your favorite characters come to life. It is so much fun! I am looking forward to the next two days and I will share with you my experiences afterwards!

What "Causes" Highs Or Lows?

A while back I had written about diabetes not having one single treatment option. It is NOT a linear disease! It is very individual! By that, I mean that I don't only start to go up when I eat something and do not correct properly. I also don't only drop when I haven't eaten or when I have had too much exercise. I want to take some time this month to describe to you how individual my disease is.

I am considered a "brittle diabetic." Basically, that means that everything affects my disease (and it doesn't always affect it in the same ways). For example, if I have a bunch of homework and I don't think I will be able to get it all done my diabetes will go absolutely insane. Sometimes that means high blood sugar until I can finish the homework, sometimes it means dangerously low to the point that I can't even go to class. It's unpredictable.

As mentioned, school affects my blood sugar. So does food, sleep (or lack of), pain (emotional, spiritual and physical), happiness, pretty much every emotion, stress, fatigue, illness and pretty much everything else under the sun. Some of the biggest things that affect my blood sugar are pain, illness and emotions.

Pain has always had a huge affect on my diabetes. I take a little longer to heal than "normal" people (non-diabetics), and even a small paper cut can make my sugar go high for several days. Ibuprofen or other pain reliever can make my sugar go down. I just have to keep taking it until the cut (or burn, or bite, or whatever else) is completely healed. Emotional pain can put me on a seemingly eternal roller coaster until I get over whatever is the problem. Occasionally, this is very dangerous as it can last for several months.

I have a compromised immune system because of this disease, so I get sick very easily. Illness can make me do all kinds of crazy things. It can produce a roller coaster, consistent highs (that is most often the case) or consistent, dangerous lows. Once again these problems are not resolved until the sickness is gone.

Emotions hate me. I am convinced. Because this has the absolute worst affect on my blood sugar and it isn't something I can just take a pill for or get insulin for to fix. I worked at a very emotionally trying store for seven months and it almost killed me. It took me three months after I quit my job there to fix my diabetes problems, as I wasn't quite over the problems that came it with. That point in my life caused me to be very depressed and that made an in-explainable, unpredictable diabetes ride.

It is difficult to explain in detail everything that can affect my blood sugar, because EVERYTHING CAN AFFECT MY BLOOD SUGAR.  Everything can cause a high or a low. Even anticipation of highs or lows can cause my sugar to head in that direction.

Managing diabetes is not easy because of this. But it is doable, and I've had a wonderful support system in my family and church and God has blessed me beyond all belief.

My Story

I feel like it is necessary to share my story with T1D this month. It helps my readers understand why it is so important to me to show support and raise awareness.

I was diagnosed with this disease when I was 10 months old. I've had it for 18 years. It has shaped the way I live my life and it has an impact on almost every decision I make.

Obviously I don't remember everything I went through at the beginning. I was way too young to know what was happening, which I consider a blessing in disguise. I feel that way because that means that I never had a significant life-change. I hadn't had time to get used to life without the disease before it took over. That means that I don't really miss my old life, and for that I am grateful.

I don't remember this either, but my parents tell me that when I was little I used to say that "God told me before I was ever on this earth that He would give me diabetes. He also told me that I would have a mommy and a daddy who would take care of me so I didn't have to worry about it. It's going to be okay." Even though I do not remember saying that, I do remember feeling a sense of peace about the disease. That had disappeared for awhile when I got older.

Growing up was not always fun, but I think that's the case for even "normal" people. I didn't get to eat cake at birthday parties or go swimming with other kids because of my disease. I didn't mind though, to be honest. It actually bugged me more that kids thought it was contagious. Diabetes is a part of me. It's not contagious. It's not weird. It is just there. It doesn't define me.

My mother pulled me out of public school and started homeschooling me in second grade. I didn't want to do it to begin with, but that decision has made me a far better person in the long run. It helped me to find myself without the peer pressure and to actually enjoy learning. Through the homeschool I was able to better control the disease and it kept me healthier.

Throughout adolescence, I have managed to control the diabetes fairly well. It scared me, though. That was something I never experienced in my childhood. The more research I did on the complications that could happen and the dangers of the disease, the worse I felt. I started letting it control me, rather than trying to control it. I've discovered that that never helps. The moment that you let this disease control you through fear, it consumes you and you become overwhelmed. At least that is what happened with me.

Thankfully that phase didn't last very long and I regained my confidence with handling this disease. I'm sure that was a gift from God, because I still don't know how I regained my strength. I guess I had to realize that it was never about my strength, but it was about His.

Because of my doubt at that phase, I never actually saw myself making it to where I am now. By that, I mean 19. I never saw myself reaching this age, especially not with my health as good as it is. I was definitely wrong in that. For now, I'm just taking every single day and giving it to God. I want to give what is left of my life to Him and let it be used for His purposes. I realize that everyday is a gift so I am going to treat it like so.

I never minded sharing my diabetes story. Actually, I enjoyed it. I have always loved sharing it with everyone who would listen. I suppose that is why November and T1D awareness is so important to me now, 18 years later. I want to spread the message of hope. I also want to show people a few things. First, it is okay to be scared of your disease, as long as you don't get stuck in that phase. Second, it does not define you, no matter what other people say or think. Third, don't be afraid to share your story. Because you never know who you might inspire!

My Comfort Zone

(Photo credit to Pinterest.)

About that.

That is probably the best feeling in the world. Not having to worry about what I say or what I do, because I'm not being judged, I'm just being loved. That is amazing! There's not many people I can feel like that with. In other words, there aren't many people that I feel truly appreciate my weirdom.

In order to embrace my individuality, I need to have a comfort zone. I need to have those people that I don't have to necessarily be careful around. That is where individuality is born, because that is where I am not afraid to be myself. My true self--including all of my crazy ideas and personality traits.

I know who the "right people" are for me. That would be my mother and my little sister (and my blacklight group, but that has been disbanded.). No matter what I do around or say to them they still love me and treat me the same. They truly appreciate me and all my craziness. They don't judge me or expect me to be anything other than what I am. I definitely forget to be careful around them, because I don't feel like I have to be careful. I am loved and that is good enough.

As an example, sometimes I talk too much when I haven't been around my Mom and sister for a while. I have so much new stuff to tell them--or to complain about--that I don't exactly think about pausing to listen to them. Still, they listen to me (most of the time) without getting irritated or walking away. For another example (something I have recently learned), I can go a little overboard with being a neat-freak. I like it when everything has a spot and is in its spot because I don't always have a ton of time to clean. That makes my big sister extremely irritated, but usually my mom and little sister don't complain too much about it. Even when they have every right to, they usually choose not to.

I could probably list a bunch of other reasons why they are my comfort zone, but I believe the point has been made.

In order for you to find and express your individuality, you must find your own "right people." That could be just about anyone. Who are you the most comfortable with? Who appreciates your craziness? Who do you not have to be careful around?

Appreciate those people, because they are a true blessing! Not everyone will love you like that. Not even everyone who claims to love you like that will make good on their promises. But that has nothing to do with you, it has everything to do with them. So don't feel bad if someone doesn't appreciate you--rather, be thankful for those who do appreciate you. Always be thankful for a comfort zone, no matter who or where that is.

Just a Thought

Anne Rice is amazing, you know that?

A lot of people find her amazing for different reasons than I do. Most people associate her with the books she has written about Vampires and other mythical creatures. She is quite a gifted writer and a lot of people have noticed that. But what they do not give her credit for is her life after she reconnected with God.

On her website we find her autobiography and its description, which I find quite interesting. You can find that here: Anne Rice: Called Out of Darkness. The description of her autobiography says that she surprised her readers with her novel Christ The Lord:Out Of Egypt (2005). This mega-bestselling author had formerly been an atheist, so as you can imagine her previous books were not Christian in any way. When Anne reconnected with God, her writing changed. I believe she did this to make a point. She chose to give up her fame and fortune to live her life the way God wanted her to.

One of my favorite reviews of this came from Chicago Sun-Times, "This is the very affecting story of a well-known prodigal's return...Called Out of Darkness is the vivid, engaging tale of the journey of a soul into light." I love the way this is put! That implies that Anne's soul had been in darkness, but it has managed to journey into the light. The light would, of course, be Jesus.

Anne had a lot to give up. She made quite the living off of her vampire books and she had quite the following! But in announcing to the world that she had chosen to follow God--and, might I add, go back on all of her atheistic statements--she accepted the possibility of giving up everything she had worked for.

I find that quite inspiring. I don't have a following to give up, but I assure you that I would have done the same thing. By allowing herself to follow Jesus rather than the world, she is definitely expressing her individuality! Well, if denying your previous self and your following isn't expressing individuality, I'm not really sure what is.

**Disclaimer**

I am not a Catholic and there are a lot of Catholic teachings that I disagree with. I go to a Southern Baptist Church and I read a King James Version Bible. I'm not saying that everything a Catholic does or believes is wrong, but I am saying that I do not share the same religion as Anne Rice. I do, however, respect her for publicizing her religion rather than hiding it. That must have taken a lot for her, given the reasons mentioned above.

Don't Sell Out

Last time I posted, I discussed the importance of embracing your weirdom. Today, I want to talk about one of the biggest things that makes me stand out. My faith.

I haven't always fit in very well because I refuse to sell out. I knew that in order to be popular I would have to go with the flow, but I wanted to make a difference. It is impossible to make a difference if you are afraid to stand out.

I'm having a problem with that lately in my college environment, because they want to force me to think a certain way. Most of the classes I am taking this semester have topics that force me to think in a worldly way. In fact, they will fail me for thinking any other way. As an example, I might be forced to accept and support trans-gender or homosexual people. That is against my faith, so I will take the penalty for disagreeing with them.

It isn't necessarily fair, but I've learned that you have to stand up for what you believe in. It might feel a little funny and it will definitely feel lonely, but we are not put on this Earth to "fit in." We are here to be Jesus with skin. If we give our life to Christ, then He will lead us to be in those kinds of situations so that we can make a difference. That's His design. So don't be afraid to have an opinion and never be afraid to defend it! I found a quote on pinterest that sums it up pretty well.

Seriously. Give me one good reason. Because if you have one, I want to hear it!

If my reason for living is to make a difference, I will never be able to do that by being "like them." That is impossible.

Same goes for you. Why on Earth should you give up on what you love because you are being told to think a certain way?

Specifically for that purpose, I encourage you to consider Joshua 1:9. "Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest." This is a reminder that God is with you always, no matter the situation. When people are trying to force you to think a certain way (i.e., you must accept and support these certain kinds of sins in order to get good grades, be popular, etc.) God is there too. And He wants you to stand up for Him. He put you there for that purpose.

Embrace Your Weirdom

Because it is the beginning of October and the weirdness is beginning to come out (and in some cases, amplify) in most people, I want to take this opportunity to share my weirdness with you. Actually, I want to take it a step further and "embrace my weirdom," while at the same time challenging you to embrace your weirdom. I'm not gonna judge you, and those who truly love you will not judge you either.

I don't really know what normal is in terms of people. Everyone has their own definition of that word, but no one's definition is completely correct for everyone. I think that "normal" ought to be defined by each individual person, because otherwise it really cannot be applied to people. For example, what is normal for me might not be normal at all for any of my readers. Normality in my life consists of worshiping God, finger stabs, insulin injections, a love of reading, writing, and all other kinds of schoolwork, enjoyment in cleaning, anime, gaming, and many other things. I am not "normal," but that doesn't bother me. I like who I am, and I don't intend to be anything different. Let me explain my weirdom to you. I want to discuss the ways I am weird and attempt to explain to you why.

My Christian faith in the modern world would make me very weird. Especially the fact that I have completely given my life to Christ and I now let Him govern it. Even some of those who claim to be Christians do not live in such a way and they cannot understand why I do. It used to infuriate me, but I don't let it bother me anymore. I don't cuss, I don't drink, I don't party, I don't listen to music with an inappropriate message, I don't really date without a Godly purpose either. I don't do anything with my life that I don't feel like Jesus would approve of. I don't care who approves of it on this earth; if Jesus does not approve, then I refuse to do it. For example, I took an Ethics class in college semester (it was a required class). It was an online class in which we spent the entire 16 weeks arguing back and forth about who had "right" morals. We discussed things like premarital sex, abortion, murder, animal cruelty and other sensitive topics. The fun part was that the teacher was grading us based on her opinion of our personal morals. I actually got a failing grade on one of her questions because I refused to say that morals created God, when I knew that God has created everything. To me, that is normal. That is completely giving my life to Christ and allowing Him to use it for His will, not my own. I like being this kind of weird. It literally gives my life purpose to live for Christ. It inspires me to see people around me living in such a way as well. In fact, I appreciate those people more than they know. I could go on, but I believe this could be an entire post, or perhaps even an entire blog on its own.

One of the big parts about being a diabetic is the finger stabs and insulin injections. I hate it when people tell me things like "I could never live like that!" or "How do you do it?" I do it because without it I would die. I do it because I've done it my entire life. I do it because it is normal for me. (I assure you, if you had to prick your finger 12 times a day and get a shot of insulin every time you ate to survive, you would do it too.) For the past 18 years of my life (since I was 10 months old) I have stabbed my finger at least 5 times a day. Until I was five (when I got an insulin pump for the first time) I checked my sugar ever 2 hours (twelve times a day). I also had to eat and get a shot of insulin every 2 hours. This was not fun, but it was normal for me. I now have an insulin pump and a dexcom (checks my sugar every 5 minutes and tells me a pattern of highs and lows), but I still check at least 5 times a day the traditional way. The insulin pump gets me off of shots, so I just have tubing hanging from me 24/7. There is tubing running from my body to the pump so it gives me a consistent flow of insulin, like an IV. This may seem weird to you, but I am actually grateful to have it. This kind of weird keeps me alive. It has helped to make me into who I am. I have learned over the years to embrace the disease. Actually, November 14th is International Type 1 Diabetes day and for the past 3 years I have had blue hair on that day. Blue is our color, so making my hair blue shows support and raises awareness. That is the kind of weird that I like. Crazy with a purpose. That is the kind of weird I want to embrace.

Another thing I mentioned above was a love of reading, writing, and all other kinds of schoolwork. Yeah, I think I'm the definition of nerd. I enjoy learning, so I seek opportunities to learn. I was home-schooled all the way through high school, so the world was my classroom. I have learned new things everywhere and now I know how to look for things I didn't previously know. I used to create algebra problems to help me sleep at night (even I admit that was too weird now...). I write every day about everything. I can take random things and find a way to fit them into a story. For example, I wrote a zombie story about one of my former workplaces. I like learning not just book things, but I like learning about people too. More often than not I am the listener in a conversation, because I learn more with silence than I do with speech. The lessons I learn from others can be more valuable than any amount of book lessons on this planet. That type of thinking is normal for me. If that is weird, then so be it.

I also mentioned that I like to clean. I'm not kidding. I've always liked to clean. It soothes me. I clean especially when I am incredibly stressed out, because it gives me a sense of peace. I learned why not that long ago while talking to a friend. Before I told him why, I didn't really know why myself. But I learned that cleaning up my physical clutter somehow helps me clean up my emotional and spiritual clutter. That is why it is normal for me to clean, because I'm not only cleaning up what people can see. Its hard to explain, but a good way to put it is that it is like cleaning my soul. I get somewhat unhappy when my house is messy and it begins to make me feel like a failure for some reason. It can also go the opposite way, though. When I feel too upset, I won't clean. Then it gets messy and makes it worse. The "pain" doesn't go away until I've cleaned up the physical, spiritual and emotional clutter. I guess that cleaning is just an outlet for me, kind of like crying is for most people. That is normal for me, no matter how weird it sounds.

I am going to clump anime and gaming together for the purposes of this post. Before I continue, let me just say anime is not a cartoon. Both anime and games are a very neat form of art that often go unnoticed. Anime is many different forms of art, ranging from screenplay to the drawing of the characters. Everything that goes into just one episode is cared about deeply by the directors, so each one is a masterpiece that the directors are quite proud of. Games are most likely the same way, but I'm not positive of that. The graphics in some games are quite realistic, so one can imagine that the artist might have cared more for his project. (Side note: when I say games, I mean games like TERA or Slender, not bubbletown. I play those too, but for mindless amusement most of the time.) My favorite animes are Sword Art Online (and all of its other "seasons"), Blue Exorcist and Black Butler. I also like My Little Monster and Vampire Knight. I enjoy them for the storyline, because it inspires me as a writer. For example, SAO (Sword Art Online) had the most beautiful ending I have ever seen in any form of television series, movie, or other show. That gets my creativity working. That is part why I like anime so much. My absolute favorite game is TERA, but sometimes I play Five Nights At Freddy's when I decide I want to throw my computer across the room in terror (I am a very easy person to scare. I even jumped when an alien attacked me in Half-Life one time!). I love Zelda, but it is more of a workout for me than a relaxing experience. Especially when I die in the game. I play it on the Wii, and I refuse to play sitting down because I get very animated with the game. My little sister thinks it is hilarious. She also likes it when I play Five Nights At Freddy's for the reason I have mentioned. Autumn (my sister) is the one who got me into all of that to begin with. She is way more into anime than I am and she wanted to share that experience with me, so she got me into it a few years ago. That is why I like anime and games so much. We often use that for our "sister date," which is my absolute favorite day of the week! She is my best friend and I enjoy all the time I get to spend with her. I play games like TERA with her as a form of escape so I can get away from my crazy life for a little while. We watch anime for the same reason. It is more about the closeness with her than it is about the game or the show for me, although I enjoy that as well.

Some other fun facts about me that may or may not be weird is that I like to be outside. I love hiking, walking in nature, or basically anything I can do to "get lost." That doesn't usually go with the love of anime and/or games, but that's how I work. I also hate cooking, want 10 kids, only ever wear heels or converse (sometimes cowboy boots, but rarely anymore) and love to travel and drive my Jeep. I don't know how I'm going to feed my 10 kids without cooking, so I'll have to work on that.

Well, there are some fun facts about me. That is all the stuff that makes me "weird."

But what I wanted to say when I challenged you to "embrace your weirdom" was this: we are created as individuals, not one singular being. The things about you that might be considered weird are things that are included in your individuality. Embrace that! Tell the world about it! You are not "weird." You are unique. Individual. You. God created you for a reason and I'm certain the reason was not to follow the multitudes. Embrace who He created, because He definitely doesn't make mistakes!

So, please. Go forth and be weird. Embrace your individuality. And if you want to, leave me a comment telling me what makes you "weird" and why. I would love to hear from you!