Dear Diabetes....

Dear Diabetes,

We need to talk.

When we got started, you were very attentive. You were with me in the ups and downs and you helped me make some healthier lifestyle choices. But things have changed. You made some false promises and I have to call you out on that.

Rather than paying attention to me, you require a lot of attention. If I don't give you what you want, you punish me. If I don't check on you every few hours or sooner, you make me pay. You demand for me to think about you every second of every day, and you demand that I consider you with every decision I make. I can't make any "plans" spontaneously, because you do not approve of those. Every detail has to be run by you to make sure that it is okay. You are very controlling!

You are very abusive. Physically, psychologically, emotionally, spiritually, in every way possible. You make me feel like I can't do anything without help. You make me feel depressed when I have no reason to be. You make me feel weak and sick all the time. You hurt me physically, too. I have scars all over my body from the drugs you make me take. My skin is thick and ugly because of the scars and scar tissue. My arms, my legs, my back and my belly are all hurt from your abuse. Modesty isn't an issue for me, because of the visible evidence you leave on my skin in those places. It wouldn't matter if I left you today, that will never leave me. I will live with that for the rest of my life. Because of you, it also takes me longer to heal. You have destroyed my body's ability to heal itself quickly and you make me breakable. Consequently, I feel weak.

You make people afraid to have anything to do with me. They don't understand our relationship, and they don't understand you. Because of that, my entire life I've dealt with rejection or neglect from the people around me. The only people that will put up with you is family and my closest friends. Others don't stick around for long, because you run them off.

You are expensive. I never have any money because I have to afford your needs. I feel like I'll never be able to support myself because I have to take care of you first. You eat my paychecks, regardless of how much money I make. When I feel like I'm finally getting ahead, you find a way to take that away from me. You don't have "cheap" needs, but everything with you is expensive. I can't afford to live with you, but living without you is not an option at this time.

You are a thief. You not only take my money, but you take years of my life and experiences from me. I don't get to do things that most people enjoy doing because of you. You destroy me inside a little more everyday and rob years from me. You stole a lot of things, including choosing what I eat and what I can do for a career. You took my ability to play sports and ride roller-coasters and drive for long periods of time. Living with you will kill me eventually, but I can't leave you. You won't let me do that. But every time you misbehave or hurt me, it destroys me inside and brings me one step closer to my demise. You have robbed my freedom to live.

You make me a burden. I know I can't afford you by myself, so for the rest of my life, whomever I am with will have to afford both of us. My parents, my sister, my future roommates or spouse will have to accept that I am expensive because I come with you. Within reason, no matter how much I work I will never be able to keep up with your cost. I will be a burden on my family, or I will feel like a burden on my family. Regardless of what they say or do, I will know that you are not easy to deal with--especially because of your cost.

I can never take a break from you. It doesn't matter if I am sick, or I am spending a lot of time at work, or I am on vacation, or whatever. I have to take you with me everywhere. There is no babysitter for you. You are my constant companion and you don't let me forget you are there. I never get a day to myself because you demand to be put first. But I put up with you, because I know you'll kill me if I don't. Slowly and painfully.

I wish that I could leave you. There probably isn't a single day that goes by that I don't wish I could just walk away and leave you far behind. I know that isn't an option, so I have to deal with your consequences. Honestly, I would rather you be with me than with my family and friends. I will take your daily beatings and other consequences so that they don't have to. They help me argue with you, but I feel better knowing that they aren't dealing with you directly.

I know that I cannot leave you yet, but I know that there will come a day wen I can. Believe me when I say that I will leave you as soon as possible.

Sincerely,
Taylor Renee Ryerse

God Bless America

There are a lot of things happening in America right now that I am certain my God is not proud of. There are definitely a lot of things going on that I am not proud of! It saddens me to see the state that my country is in and the blinders that people wear. I wish that I could show them, but they refuse to listen and it turns into a debate rather than a discussion. When I get too frustrated, I turn to my God and my Bible for comfort and guidance in my situation. I find peace in one particular verse, which I would love to share with you all.

 "If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14 (KJV)

There are a few things I would like to point out with this verse. First, 2 Chronicles was written in the Old Testament, but that does not make it obsolete. Just as God is timeless, so is His Word and it applies to every day and age. Second, I believe that "My people" has become Christians, rather than just the Jews, but the verse still applies to God's people. Third, regardless of how sinful or wicked people are, God is eternally merciful if we truly seek forgiveness. It gives me hope for America, because I know that if we will humble ourselves and pray (and truly seek His forgiveness) then He will heal our land.

Knowing this, I have made it a personal goal of mine to pray for America everyday this year. I am humbling myself and asking Him to take control of my country and save it. I am doing what I can to help restore and revive America. At this point, I believe that all I am capable of doing is praying. I would, however, like to take it a step further and challenge my friends, family and readers to pray with me. The bible also says that:

"For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them."Matthew 18:20 (KJV)

I know that without God, it is impossible for my country to be healed. I also know that Jesus said where two or more gather in His name, He is there with us. So I would like to ask for your participation in prayer! I want to challenge American Christians to make time at about noon to pray for this country. Pray for Christian leaders, who will allow God to be the true ruler of our nation. Pray for the blinders to be removed from our friends and family. Pray for the restoration of our former Christian nation. Pray that God will heal, inspire and revive America (to borrow words from Ben Carson). Just pray for America. 

I say noon because I figure that is lunch time, and most people will have a momentary break from school or work. This provides the perfect opportunity for a talk with God. But, if you do not usually have a break at noon, feel free to pray whenever you are given the opportunity. Please do join me and my family in prayer for our nation. 

May God bless America, as He did when we served Him! 

Forgiveness

One of the things that I have learned how to do this year is to forgive. I always knew how to forgive and forget I suppose, but I had to learn how to forgive with boundaries so I don't get hurt anymore. Through a lot of pain the experiences of this year have taught me to forgive while at the same time protecting myself. That is a concept I hadn't really considered before.

You don't have to completely block the person out of your life to put up boundaries. Especially not if that person is family, or unavoidable for another reason. But don't allow yourself to be alone with said person--always have a trusted friend or family member close by. Also, don't ever feel obligated to spend time with someone or do something for them. That can be a form of control, and people are rarely obligated to do those things. If it feels like an obligation then you probably shouldn't do it anyway.

Don't ever be afraid to say no. If someone has hurt you repeatedly and wants back into your life, saying no is not the same as being unforgiving. Make them prove that they can be trusted before you give them that. If they can't, then they have things to work on that you are not responsible for. In addition to being unafraid to say no, do not let people guilt trip you. If they are guilt-tripping you into doing things for them or spending time with them, then they are controlling you and that is unhealthy for you. You can forgive that person without allowing them to come back into your life and control you.

Forgiveness is important. It brings freedom and peace. But realizing that forgiveness can come with boundaries is important too, because it can save you from future pain. As a Christian, I know I am supposed to forgive if a person asks for forgiveness. However, I don't believe God would ever want me to be pushed around or hurt. So forgiveness with boundaries is sometimes necessary. 

Random Poetry

I like to write poetry, but I wasn't really sure if that could be considered a complete blog post or not. I decided that I would share some and see what everyone thinks.

I started this on a road trip in May and finished it with random inspiration in September (2015). It probably isn't the best poem you will ever read, but it definitely comes from my heart. Please enjoy it!

Off we go!
To "follow the yellow brick road!"
Let's see how far we can get,
Before tonight's sunset.
Who even needs a road map?
Let's get lost before we come back!
Oh, how fun it would be!
Alone in the world. Just you and me.
Should we head South or North?
I've never seen New England before.
Or maybe West or East?
Toward the mountains, or to the sea?
Imagine all the things we could do.
The sky, the road, there's me, and there's you.
Beneath a blanket of distant stars,
No place on Earth is too far!
Leaving behind the pain in a cloud of dust,
And now the whole world belongs to the two of us!
Nowhere to go, all day to get there.
All that is left is to decide where!
Isn't it fun to have nothing to do?
But explore His Creation, just us two.

Reflections on Freedom

It's July 4th. This is the day that our nation celebrates it's freedom. This is the day we can say "Happy Birthday, America!" On this day in 1776, the Declaration of Independence was finalized and approved. Because of that, I would like to reflect on what "bought" us our freedoms.

America's desire for freedom was brought on by unfair treatment from the British Parliament.

"For more than a decade before the outbreak of the American Revolution in 1775, tensions had been building between colonists and the British authorities. Attempts by the British government to raise revenue by taxing the colonies (notably the Stamp Act of 1765, the Townshend Tariffs of 1767 and the Tea Act of 1773) met with heated protest among many colonists, who resented their lack of representation in Parliament and demanded the same rights as other British subjects. Colonial resistance led to violence in 1770, when British soldiers opened fire on a mob of colonists, killing five men in what was known as the Boston Massacre. After December 1773, when a band of Bostonians dressed as Mohawk Indians boarded British ships and dumped 342 chests of tea into Boston Harbor, an outraged Parliament passed a series of measures (known as the Intolerable, or Coercive Acts) designed to reassert imperial authority in Massachusetts." (History.com)

Basically, Great Britain was taxing the colonists unfairly and they demanded a change. When that argument escalated, it turned into a war. American's ought to know about the American revolution, so I will not restate much of what happened here. What I would like to point out is that our freedom was purchased through blood. Many people had to die for the idea of America before it even became a nation. Statistics say that there were 4,435 total American deaths during the Revolutionary War.

Another thing I want to briefly point out is that people are still dying for American freedoms. In 2010, a total of 1,485 military men and women were killed trying to protect your freedoms. In 2014, a total of 2,352 people were killed in the "Operation Enduring Freedom." In addition to that, 20,065 were injured. In 2014, a total of 4.412 military men and women involved with "Operation Iraqi Freedom" were killed. An additional 31,949 were injured. Each of these deaths and injuries were because these people wanted to defend you.

My point is that freedom is not "free," but we like to live like it is. I think that people choose not to think about the people who choose to die so that we can live. Thinking about that can have a somber affect on one's mood. Naturally, people don't like to be sad; therefore, they try to avoid things that make them sad. It's logical.

Alright, now because I'm me and I have the freedom to include my religious beliefs, there is one more thing I want to point out. My freedom to live and be happy came from the death of my Savior, Jesus Christ. My freedom to choose to follow Him, or to deny Him, came from His willingness to live the life of a poor man, and be murdered in the most humiliating way possible. He did that for me. He chose to so that I would recognize, if only on a small scale, how much He loves me. If you think about it, the punishment for sin is death. Jesus never sinned, and therefore He did not have to die. He died to give us the freedom of eternal life with Him. That is something that even my life will not pay for.

The cost of freedom is always blood. That is human logic. In order to maintain our freedoms, people have to die or be tortured. There is no other way to obtain it. History proves this to be true over and over again. So, when you watch fireworks on the 4th of July--Independence Day-- please remember to be thankful for those who laid down their lives to give you your freedom.