Forgiveness

One of the things that I have learned how to do this year is to forgive. I always knew how to forgive and forget I suppose, but I had to learn how to forgive with boundaries so I don't get hurt anymore. Through a lot of pain the experiences of this year have taught me to forgive while at the same time protecting myself. That is a concept I hadn't really considered before.

You don't have to completely block the person out of your life to put up boundaries. Especially not if that person is family, or unavoidable for another reason. But don't allow yourself to be alone with said person--always have a trusted friend or family member close by. Also, don't ever feel obligated to spend time with someone or do something for them. That can be a form of control, and people are rarely obligated to do those things. If it feels like an obligation then you probably shouldn't do it anyway.

Don't ever be afraid to say no. If someone has hurt you repeatedly and wants back into your life, saying no is not the same as being unforgiving. Make them prove that they can be trusted before you give them that. If they can't, then they have things to work on that you are not responsible for. In addition to being unafraid to say no, do not let people guilt trip you. If they are guilt-tripping you into doing things for them or spending time with them, then they are controlling you and that is unhealthy for you. You can forgive that person without allowing them to come back into your life and control you.

Forgiveness is important. It brings freedom and peace. But realizing that forgiveness can come with boundaries is important too, because it can save you from future pain. As a Christian, I know I am supposed to forgive if a person asks for forgiveness. However, I don't believe God would ever want me to be pushed around or hurt. So forgiveness with boundaries is sometimes necessary.